This morning, as I ran to class in the rain, trying to beat the clock striking at 11:30, I was frustrated by a group of girls who blocked the entrance to my windowless class. As I made my way around them, I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation that made me want to stop and have an impromptu therapy session about priorities and college realities:
Girl 1: “Oh my god, how crazy we need to start thinking about Halloween costumes, I don’t know how sl*tty is acceptable.”
Girl 2: “Omg, my roommate asked me to be a girl scout with her.”
Girl 3: “Ew no.”
Girl 2: “Right? Someone needs to tell that b*tch no.”
The month is September. Halloween is more than one month away. It is 11:30 on a Wednesday.
There is no denying that freshmen year is full of “feeling out” what’s what and who’s who. When I arrived at the University of Michigan I was dumbfounded to find out that parties don’t begin until past my normal bedtime, 11:30 PM, and that kissing the wrong boy at a fraternity may get me “black-listed” from the sorority of my dreams.
And yet, as a junior who has lived through rush season, a mirage of “wrong” boys, and even a failed Halloween costume, there are five things I wish I had known before I spent my freshmen year anxious and afraid of doing the wrong thing.
- No one cares. While I recognize the harshness of such an idea, the reality is, really, no one cares! I recently spoke to a freshman who told me she’s afraid of going on an “elevated surface” at a frat party because the higher levels are meant for older girls. The reality is, if you want to get elevated, no one is stopping you. Older girls are not out to berate underclassman. Live your best life and dance like nobody is watching.
- You are allowed to change. I’ll never forget a friend of mine confronting me and scolding me for “changing.” Guess what? Change is good! And normal! And important! Of course you are going to change when you transition from a life with curfew and mommy packing your lunches to a life of independence and responsibility. If you are the same person you were in high school, you’re doing something wrong!
- Being a bystander isn’t cool. It’s not cool to let your friends make fun of your roomate or her costume idea. It’s not the way to fit in, and it sure as hell is not who you want to spend your four years with at the Big House or on a picnic in the Arb. It doesn’t take being mean to make friends. Be the compassionate friend who’s inclusive and empathetic. People will like you more!
- Greek life doesn’t matter as much as you think it does. For those freshmen who are pulling hairs to be in the “top sorority” or any Greek house for that matter… Greek life is not everything and if your gut tells you to stay away, STAY AWAY! While I have found some of my greatest forever friends through my own sorority, I wish I had considered the option of a life at UofM without it. No one told me about pre-professional fraternities or clubs whose commitments mimic that of being in Greek life. Don’t feel pressured to join a community that doesn’t feel like you. This university is full of ways to get involved and feel like you have a network.
- Take advantage of this school! You’re at Michigan!!! Be excited! You get seasons, and football, classes you actually like, and a multitude of opportunities to meet your forever best friend or maybe future spouse :). Don’t waste your time thinking about Halloween or where you’re standing at the party. You only get four years… make them count.