College is truly meant to be a learning experience, where young adults come to grow and mature. However, for many of us, it doesn’t always feel this way. For me personally, I felt like I was simply thrown into a huge pool of people hundreds of miles from home and expected to act like an adult and develop concrete plans for my future. Because college seemed so incredibly difficult to navigate, it was easier for me to commit to a plan that I would seemingly stick to up until the end of my career: the idea of uncertainty was truly horrifying. I wanted a clear path that would guide me through a smooth four years. But of course, life always seems to give you what you don’t expect or necessarily want. And for me, this unexpected obstacle manifested itself in a need for change.
Freshman year, I decided that I wanted to be an English major on a pre-med track, hoping to eventually pursue child psychiatry. The decision to declare an English major sprung from a real passion for literature and writing. My passion for writing is evident even through writing for Her Campus: I write out of pure enjoyment, putting in the time to serve as an editor and contributor outside of my school work.
Well, what about pre-med? I have always liked children and working with them. Through becoming close with my younger brother, working at a summer camp for children with life- threatening illnesses, and babysitting children throughout the years, I knew I wanted to work with kids. Especially through volunteering at camp, I realized that I wanted to understand children’s hardships, and offer them support as they develop into the people whom they wish to become. However, you might ask, why wouldn’t you just be a child psychologist? What do you find meaningful in the experience of going to medical school? Are you truly interested in medicine?
Well, here are some answers to your questions. No, I did not have a genuine interest in medicine. Do I ever want to observe a surgery? No, I pass out at the sight of a needle. Do I care to learn about human anatomy? Not really. Is the idea of going to medical school exciting to me? Sounds more like a chore, to be honest. However, I fell into a trap that many people do when deciding their futures: pride. I focused on the fact that if I went to medical school, it would mean that I was smart and hardworking. Through this status, especially as an undergraduate pre-med student, others would respect me for choosing a difficult career path. We’ve all heard the jokes about the easy majors and how simple their lives are, and I had no interest in taking “the easy way out.” So, I registered for all of the science and math courses that I would need to take to be eligible to take the MCAT and committed to the idea of becoming a doctor.
As you can probably guess, I was not thrilled. I slaved away at learning biology, failing to find myself within the A range of grades mostly due to a lack of passion: surprise! It is very hard to force yourself to learn something that you do not care about. I spent my summer taking physics at a local college, driving 45 minutes there and back three times a week. I spent hours attempting to understand general chemistry and enduring three hour labs once a week. I assumed that all pre-med students were just as miserable as I was, and that these classes were meant to weed students out and torture them. It never crossed my mind that pre-med students may actually enjoy these courses, because they are passionate about subjects that relate to medicine.
I probably would’ve continued down this personally dreadful path if it were not for one subject: organic chemistry. I consider myself to be a relatively smart person; if I am determined to accomplish something, I will. Well, I guess not organic chemistry. I have never felt more helpless staring at the foreign structures my professor drew on the board. Everyone around me would nod when the professor explained something. What are you nodding at? Is she even speaking English? I could not relate. I hired a tutor. I read the textbook, I went to office hours, and I pursued other opportunities for extended learning. I understood nothing. When the first exam rolled around, I did not know if it would even be worth it to study, because I had no clue how to do a single problem. I have never felt this way about a course, or any of the previous pre-med courses. I felt powerless and inadequate.
So, I found myself at a crossroads and reflected on my life. Why am I suffering through this course in the first place? Knowing that I would have to take a second course of organic chemistry, along with biochemistry and P-Chem, I truly thought about the “why” behind what I was doing. And, well, I could not answer it. I had no idea why I was doing this, and that is because I truly did not care about medicine. The ultimate goal of attending medical school was not some “light at the end of the tunnel” for me; it was just a goal that I had forced upon myself for superficial reasons.
While I struggled to finalize the decision, fearing that others would judge me as a failure for “quitting” the pre-med track, I called my father and told him my desire to drop out pre-med, and instead pursue a double major in English and Psychology, eventually gaining my PhD in psychology to become a child psychologist. While I was afraid he would be upset, he actually encouraged the decision. After a lot of thought, I finally let go of the fear of others’ opinions and did something for myself. I dropped organic chemistry, and declared both of my majors in the same week. After successfully declaring and planning out all my future courses with my academic advisor, my face actually lit up seeing all of the courses that I was able to take.
For once, I’m excited to take all of my courses and I am excited about my future. The idea of working to attain a PhD is not at all daunting to me: it actually makes me smile. I learned that I am passionate about child psychology, not child psychiatry: an important distinction between two careers that are seemingly alike. I cannot wait to fully embark upon my new path.
So, here are few takeaways:
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Changing your mind is not “quitting” and does not make you weak. In fact, it shows that you are strong enough to have the courage to change your mind and reset your path. You found your passion and followed your heart, reflected in your ability to make a dramatic change: that doesn’t seem weak to me, at all.
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It is never too late to change your mind. Never feel stuck in your own ways or trapped by your own pride.
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Never seek comfort in stability: embrace uncertainty, and accept change.
I hope that college brings you all the unexpected, yet entirely meaningful realizations that it has brought me.
Images courtesy of: Devin Ablow