We’ve all been there: that moment when you profess your love for someone and they answer, “can we just be friends?” It’s a tale as old as time, getting rejected by someone who just doesn’t share your feelings. These days, this purgatory has a name: the friend zone.
Either you’re the friendzoned (the person who’s looking to be more than friends), or the friendzoner (the person who ‘just wants to be friends’).
The first time I heard the term, I was with a group of guys, and one of them told us that the girl he was seeing “friendzoned” him. I had no idea what he meant. He explained that it was a trick girls used to be just friends with a guy, killing their every chance of getting in to bed with them, to put it bluntly. At the time, it didn’t seem like a very big deal, until it happened to me. I was caught dating or hanging out with guys who really liked me, knowing that I wasn’t interested in a romantic way, and asking if we could just be friends. I had become a friendzoner! It was unconscious, but I was rejecting those guys with an invitation for friendship. Some of them stayed around for a bit, wishing that I would change my mind, but this was in vain.
Personally, I’ve been friendzoned once or twice. Karma has gotten me! What I learned from my experience was that you should always wait before choosing to share your feelings for someone, and wait to be sure that you know what the person feels toward you. As we all know, rushing things rarely ends well.
There are three possible ways that a friend zone can be established (for this scenario I decided to make the girl the friendzoner and the guy the friendzoned, but the roles can be reversed):
1. When the girl and the guy are dating, but the girl finally comes to the conclusion that she isn’t interested. The guy, however, thinks otherwise.
When someone tells you that they aren’t interested romantically, you shouldn’t put energy in trying to stick around, hoping that they’ll change their mind. We all deserve someone who will appreciate our time and efforts. So instead of putting all this effort into someone who clearly doesn’t know the luck he or she has, go and see what’s out there. It’s open season until you find that person.
2. The guy is trying to let the girl know he’s interested, but she doesn’t see it.
I think it’s pretty clear when someone’s into you: they text you day and night, always want to see you, are always sitting next to you even when they have other friends in that class, always want to know how your day is going, etc. All those clues let you know that they’re definitely interested. It’s important to let that person know what you feel or don’t feel, so they don’t get disappointed too much by you leading them on. Although, on the other hand, it’s also important to not be too eager and be sure they’re not just interested in being friends.
3. The guy is interested; the girl is having a good time, although she’s not sexually attracted to him.
OK! Being the confident girls I know you are, you probably don’t just look for a nice, smart guy that makes you laugh; you want a handsome one as well! However, you might not be too convinced about the guy you’re seeing; he makes you smile, laugh and feel good about yourself, but doesn’t really answer to your criteria for appearance. You’re just not attracted to him, and there’s no shame in that. Truth is, as cheesy as it sounds; just listen to your heart. If he gives you butterflies in your stomach, go for it girl! Love at first sight might not exist, but it definitely develops as you get to know each other.
In situations like this, it’s always good to ask yourself a couple of questions, such as, should I consider giving this person a chance and give it a shot, and why? Should I keep putting energy toward this person who really has no clue? Do I want to be in a relationship with this person? What do I look for? Can we be friends…with benefits?
Overall, you should always listen to your feelings and do what you think it’s best for you. We’ll all find what we’re looking at some point.
Photo Credits : Pinterest and Memebase.com