Break-ups come in all forms —they’re messy, heated, and tough to get through. Emotions run wild especially when a relationship ends because of cheating, dishonesty, or the classic “I just don’t love you anymore” scenario.
Despite the likelihood of a bitter break-up, sometimes you have to call the shots purely because of unfavorable circumstances. Long distance, a desire to focus on yourself, or feeling like you need to pause are all valid reasons to end a relationship. Breaking-up on such terms might leave you caring for your partner, but loathing the situation.
If you feel like keeping your ex in your life, there are a few things to consider in order to set healthy post-break-up boundaries. Here are a few tips:
1) Accept the reasons for why you ended things, aka—closure
In simple terms, closure means finality, and finality comes with an acceptance that a relationship has ended. When a partner asks for closure, make sure to provide it by firstly understanding your ex’s needs. Talk and listen through everything until both of you are ready to come to terms of the decision.
2) Have a conversation without referencing your break-up
If you want to continue a positive, non-romantic relationship with your ex, it’s important to see the person outside of the typical boyfriend or girlfriend role. This may not be easy, especially after a long-term relationship, but this step is essential to helping you appreciate your ex in a new light. Jelly bean flavours, the new episode of The Big Bang Theory, or your favorite music—surely, you’ll find something to discuss.
3) Keep communication consistent but limited
When you decide to hold on to someone in your life, make an effort to stay in touch, but don’t harass your ex with senseless texts that show desperation. Be open to the opportunity of talking, but do so at a distance. You need to adjust to being on your own again before prioritizing a new friendship.
4) Be honest, but do not divulge every detail of your life
There are reasons why your romantic relationship shifted to a friendship, and these must be respected on both ends. Continuing to disclose the same information that you used to when you were together will only make you wonder why you broke up in the first place. If ever asked about something specific, know that it’s completely acceptable to not disclose every detail.
5) Learn to let go of what the future holds
Staying in touch with a person that you still care for will sometimes bring you into the dark corner of “What ifs?” If you’ve ever envisioned a future with your ex, then it will be hard to let go of the romantic dream; but trying to shape your life in the present while living in the future can be self-destructive. If romance between you two ever rekindles, then leave the future up to fate.
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