There’s this stereotype that people who go abroad have a “hoe phase”, which I’m all for. I’m also a big fan of prioritizing making friends over dating. However, I cannot deny that dating is fun, or that it wouldn’t have landed me fun evenings, or that I wouldn’t have made a good friend on a dating app. Dating abroad is fresh and exciting— you can explore new things and “accidentally” make a new friend. However, I would go about it in a certain way, so here’s my advice!
First, SAfety!
If you’re meeting a stranger from a dating app (or someone you don’t know well), please make sure you’re being safe! You don’t have to do all of these things, but here is a list of precautions to be a little safer:
- Don’t get into a stranger’s car.
- Always watch your drink.
- Tell a friend the details of your plans.
- Share a picture of the person you are meeting; if you can, share your live location as well!
- Meet in a public space—aka, avoid going to a stranger’s apartment.
- If you invite someone to your place, try to arrange for some roommates or friends to be home at the same time, in a different room.
- You can always have a friend call you halfway through the date so that you can give an update on how it’s going, or have a fake emergency you suddenly need to attend if the date is going bad.
DON’T STRESS ABOUT IT
On my first Tinder date, I invited a guy over to my place. I was quite nervous, and he noticed and proceeded to ask me why I was nervous. I thought it was pretty obvious since there was a cute guy I didn’t know very well in my apartment, and the conversation wasn’t flowing naturally yet. I said, “It’s a first date type of situation, so…” and he replied with one of the best answers I could’ve wished for: “Well, I don’t know if I would call this a date.” At first, this sounded slightly insulting, but it also took away all the pressure, and I found his attitude to be very smart. Now, I only go on Tinder or Hinge dates with the mindset of it not being a date. Whether it’s a date or not, is for me to decide at the end.
being less awkward
Unsure as to how to make first dates less awkward? Accepting that it might be awkward—and that awkwardness is totally okay and normal—is a good place to start. This also leads to my second point: silence does not have to be awkward. If you want to break the silence, ask an open-ended question or just tell a little story about yourself; the other person will probably just be happy you said something.
My last piece of advice is my favourite, yet probably also my worst: alcohol. Now I’m obviously not promoting getting drunk, and you should only ever drink if it’s legal and safe, but a little tipsiness can make a date seem easier and help the conversations flow!
DO SOMETHING FUN
One of the best pieces of dating advice I’ve ever gotten is to plan to do something you want to do anyways. For example, have you always wanted to go to this one museum, a cute new cafe, or try a certain restaurant? Why not do it on a first date? This way, you’ll always have at least some fun on a date.
be mindful of cultural differences
There are certain phrases or questions that can have different meanings than you might think. I’ll give you an example from when I visited South Korea last summer. I was going out with a friend, and she ever so kindly warned me that in South Korea, when someone asks you if you are open-minded, they are actually asking if you are open to sex. See, if I had not known that, I would have very enthusiastically answered that question with yes, not knowing what I was actually saying. Hence, if you have the opportunity to ask a native student about this, you should ask if there are any red flags to look out for before going on a date.
DON’T BE AFRAID OF WHAT YOU WANT (OR DON’T WANT)
This last piece of advice is pretty much self-explanatory. Communicating clearly about what you’re looking for and setting boundaries is key to having a good experience on dating apps. I know this is the most basic advice ever, but it’s still good advice: communicate, be bold, be slutty if you want, and be as inconvenient as you need to be.
BE YOURSELF
I met one of my closest friends from my exchange on a dating app. After the first date, he asked me if I wanted to visit an art museum with him. After ghosting him for a few days, I responded that I would very much like to go to an art museum with him, but rather as friends than on a date. He said that he did get the vibe of this being more of a friendship and that he thought I was a fun person who he’d still want to spend time with. It does sound sus, but it all worked out great!
After we spent some time together, we also talked about that first date we had, and I told him I thought he seemed a bit low-energy—which, now that I know him better, turned out to be only half-true. My point was that I thought if he had been more himself on our first date, I would have had a better first impression of him. Now, while we all seem a bit different at first, I am a big supporter of the phrase “just be yourself”. The worst thing that can happen is perhaps your date doesn’t match your energy—which in that case, you dodged a bullet!
In sum, if you date during your exchange (and I strongly advise going on at least one date), be safe and keep these tips in mind to help you have a good time! Who knows, you just might meet a special someone—or not—and it’s up to you to decide if they would be worth a serious long-distance commitment!