Erectile dysfunction, although many men don’t like to admit to it, it happens to the best of them. Sometimes you’re ready to get down to business and your guy just isn’t there yet, and maybe he isn’t going to be tonight. While cuddling may not be what you had in mind for the evening, these moments happen. Yes, it sucks, but while you may be mildly annoyed or wondering why he just couldn’t “keep up,” he’s probably engaged in much more mental anguish. Impotence can be a big bruise to the ego for both sexual partners, but it doesn’t have to be. Bodies have a natural way of doing exactly the opposite of what we want them to, and instead of ignoring the issue, let’s admit that it happens and talk about it!
Despite what an angry Rachel may have declared in one of many heated Ross vs. Rachel moments, erectile dysfunction (ED) can be “common”. And as long as it’s not occurring continuously, and/or isn’t due to any major health issues, it doesn’t have to be a “big deal”. In fact, 25% of males under the age of 25 experience ED at some point.
While we may relate impotence to 65-year old married men with Viagra prescriptions, the truth is that ED is also a common issue for guys in their “earlier” sexual years. The more common reasons for ED in younger males usually fall under the categories of performance anxiety and alcohol, drug and tobacco consumption. Other reasons for impotence could also be related to health issues, hormone imbalances, and lifestyle choices. Accepting that it just happens sometimes can be hard for some guys and girls to understand, and the stigma behind impotence in a young male often stops us from talking about it, or from addressing the issue “head on”.
So, to stop the stigma, and open up the conversation on impotence, I’ve broken down some of the facts and ways to deal in times where life gets a little “soft”.
First off, what is ED?
Healthline.com defines Erectile Dysfunction (or impotence) as being “the inability to get or keep an erection firm enough to have sexual intercourse.” Basically, nature is giving the guy a soft-boiled egg, when the recipe called for hardboiled.
Reasons things went soft
Performance anxiety can be a major causation of ED during sexual intercourse. Wether it is due to pressures from the media, locker-room talk, or the porn they may have watched, a lot of guys have a certain image of how they “should be” performing sexually. This idea of putting on an ideal performance, coupled with the want to please themselves and their partner, can plague many men with the inability to perform at all. Other mental and emotional factors may come into play, such as relationship problems, stress at work, or anything else that may have his mind drifting away from the moment. Other reasons may be more health-oriented, such as diet and exercise, recreational drug use and alcohol consumption, hormone imbalances, and so on.
Alcohol and drug consumption can be a major contributing factor. What some people call Whiskey Dick (not being able to “get it up” after having too much to drink or drug consumption) is pretty common after a night of partying. Solution? Lay off the synthetics, or switch to water earlier in the night.
Don’t blame yourself!
Rest assured, you are not the issue or the reason this isn’t working out. Do not start blaming yourself or thinking there are issues with your own body and body parts. The blame game isn’t going to work here. Focus on your partner first, because there are probably a thousand things going on in his mind right now, most, if not all, of which are thoughts blaming himself or worrying about what you’re thinking of him at this moment.
Be Truthful
Guys. Please don’t lie about what’s going on, or shrug things off if something is really bugging you.The truth is, your partner probably is blaming themselves, even if it isn’t their physical “problem”. Maybe you don’t know why you’re “going soft,” but if you are feeling a little anxious or uncomfortable, or something has you upset, you can at least talk through it. If talking isn’t really your “thing,” or what you want to do right now, then cuddle up or move onto some other “activities”.
Don’t “Laugh it Off”
This one is simple. No one wants any part of their body laughed about, especially when you’re in a vulnerable position. Maybe if he’s got a great sense of humour you can laugh about it later on. Maybe hold back the giggle if it’s your go-to reaction in an awkward situation. Laughing things off later may prove to him that the whole situation isn’t a big deal, but judge your audience first and be sensitive.
Don’t Stop The Love
Don’t act awkward and treat the issue like it’s a “big deal”. So what if you don’t get to do exactly what you planned to do tonight? That doesn’t mean you have to end everything there. There are plenty of other ways to continue the fun, and lots of other working parts to utilize. You may just want to leave that area alone for the time being, or unless your partner says otherwise. Who knows, more foreplay may just be what the situation needed. Let him know you don’t think any less of him, and that it’s NATURAL, because all of our bodies do things sometimes that we don’t want them to.
TALK ABOUT IT
Yes, maybe if this is a casual hookup, or a one time only sort of deal, you won’t care to discuss your partner’s impotence. Especially if it’s a drunken hookup. However, if you’re in a relationship or a situation where you care about “what’s going on” with your partner, it may be worth it to have a chat. Figure out what’s causing the problem, and wether or not this is something you can work on together. If the situation continues, you may want to try out some “home remedies”. While you should never take any form of drugs or vitamins without consulting a doctor, there are some “super sex foods” that just might help, like eating seeds and nuts, spinach, peaches and drinking red wine. If you and your partner are concerned that the issue is bigger than talking or a change in diet, it may be time to encourage your partner to go see a doctor or specialist for some more help and information.
Just like a lot of uncomfortable sex topics, erectile dysfunction is one of those things we just don’t like to talk about. But when we ignore it we make the issue seem a lot worse than it really is. Sex is fun, and when problems do or don’t “come up,” it is important to talk about them and find some solutions!