Life as a vegetarian can be a rough go. Not because of the whole “not eating meat like ever” thing, but because of some of the peculiar and often repetitive things we hear from almost everyone who finds out about our herbivore ways of life. In order to save my fellow veggies from the troubles of answering these common inquiries, and to educate the omnivorous population, I have taken it upon myself to respond once and for all. (@Vegetarians, you’re all welcome.)
So like, how do you get protein? Do you eat a lot of tofu?
Oh, you bet – all day ‘erryday. As you know, tofu is the only source of protein on Earth beside cows, so it’s tofu scramble for breakfast, grilled tofu for lunch, tofu stir-fry for dinner and tofu ice cream for dessert!
I could never go vegetarian like you because I hate salad!
To be honest, I too, really hate salad. Too many flavours and possible combinations and far too many vegetables. I much prefer just sticking to organic, non-GMO, locally grown, freshly cut grass.
Plants have feelings too.
Is that why I keep hearing a faint, high pitched scream every time I eat a French fry?
Aren’t you hungry all the time?
Vegetarian foods like pizza, veggie burgers, salads, rice, potatoes, stir-fry, soup, sandwiches and burritos are all basically 0-calorie foods, which would probably explain why we veggies are never full, always hungry, and need to be eating 24/7.
You still eat fish though, right?
Yes, of course, fish are my absolute favourite vegetable.
Okay but if you were on a deserted island for a week and all the plants were poisonous and you were all alone and you only had steak with you, would you eat meat?
…………?