Whether you didn’t get your dream internship offer, the bid from your top sorority, or an acceptance letter from your dream school, it’s natural to feel defeated and frustrated when life just doesn’t work out the way you want. Here’s why (and how) not getting what you want can lead to the best that life has to offer!
1. Be proud that you put yourself out there.
When you go out on a limb, take a chance, and put yourself out there…you hope that your efforts will be rewarded. It can be very difficult when you devote time, energy, and resources to something–only for it to not work out the way you hoped. Maybe you spent hours practicing for an audition or perfecting your application; it’s natural to look back and regret the efforts you made. However, wouldn’t you rather regret spending too much time working at something than not trying hard enough? At the end of the day, the only thing you can control is your own actions and the amount of work you put into something! Knowing that you did the best you could is honestly all you can do–and you should be proud of your hard work.
2. This is not a reflection of you.
I’ve always found it frustrating when people would say, “Don’t take it personally!” because everything in my life feels personal to me! However, what I’ve come to realize is that life is not as black and white as you may think. It’s so easy to jump to conclusions and blame yourself for not being good enough rather than realizing how many external factors can influence a decision. When we don’t get the result we want, we shouldn’t assume it’s because there was something wrong with us. You can do everything right, yet there are things out of your control that can prevent you from getting what you want. Don’t let circumstances like this diminish your worth; realize that you are so special and deserve all the good things coming your way! Also take this as an opportunity to re-evaluate and grow from these experiences.
3. You’ll find out who your true support system is.
It’s easy to be there for someone during the highest, happiest moments of their life. But who is going to show up for you when you’re down and struggling? Your real support system! When you’re disappointed from a loss, failure, or rejection, you need the support of those you love. The people who really care about you will rally around you and remind you just how special and wonderful you truly are. Appreciate the people who step up for you during this time–who listen to your sadness, disappointment, and frustration–and who tell you it will get better. You want people in your life who will be honest, kind, and encouraging. Pay attention to people who may even seem slightly happy or vindicated by the fact that you missed out on an opportunity you really wanted. It may be time to re-evaluate those friendships and relationships. Nonetheless, this can be a great time period to really determine who wants to be and who deserves to be in your inner circle.
4. This is an opportunity for redirection.
Many times, we have tunnel vision surrounding the things we want, ignoring all other potential outcomes and options. Our hyperfocus makes the rejection all the more heartbreaking. However, when things don’t turn out the way you want, the tunnel vision will fade and new opportunities will arise. Doors will open that you never would’ve thought to seek out yourself.
I’ve found this to be especially true in regards to personal relationships. Perhaps you broke up with the significant other you thought you’d marry or grew apart from your childhood best friend, these situations can be heart wrenching and blindsiding. We can’t imagine a future without these people in it and don’t want to live life without them by our sides. However, when these relationships don’t work out, they open the door to new, incredible people entering our lives. You will find the person you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with and then you’ll wonder how you ever wanted anyone else. You’ll find your future maid of honor and start every sentence with “remember that time…” People will come in and out of your life but the ones that stay are truly precious. You have no idea when and how you will find these people but you certainly will (it’s all part of the excitement of life!).
Before I end, I want to share one of my favorite quotes with you:
“Just when the caterpillar thought its life was over, it became a butterfly.” – Chuang Tzu.
There certainly can be beauty in struggle. You never know what joy is right around the corner, and how happy you may be that things didn’t work out the way you wanted them to!