For all the furry comfort they provide, Uggs don’t get a lot of love.
I’ve heard many people say “Uggs are ugly.” And although I wear mine religiously, sometimes I look down at my feet when I’m wearing them and can’t help but think I could’ve made a better fashion choice.
My choice was comfort, I tell myself. But then I hear another voice inside me saying that by choosing comfort, I basically gave up.
But let’s not judge a book by its cover. Instead, let’s judge the women who wear the boots.
Humor writer Sebastian Britt did just that. In an article he wrote for RVA magazine (which has since been removed online) entitled “Fashion Rant: Ugghh!”, Britt ranks women’s sluttiness by which style Ugg they sport. He even devised a special “Scale of Whoredom” to do it. Well, thank goodness I’m only Tier 1: Warning Light. Apparently this means I’m just a “Sorority Slut.”
Tier 1: Warning Light means you’re a sorority slut
But it could be worse. Tier 2: System Failure means you’re cheap, and Tier 3: Nuclear Meltdown means you’re about a step away from getting arrested for prostitution. As Britt pointed out, it’s a good thing all the fur around the calf can hide a knife.
If you wear Tier 2: System Failure…you’re cheap!
And speaking about hiding dangerous weapons in Uggs, Pottsdam Middle School in Pottsdam, PA banned the skanky footwear because students were hiding their cell phones inside. I didn’t realize wearing Uggs was so rebellious. In fact, before reading about the ban in the New York Daily News, I would have never guessed that Uggs were the only place to hide cell phones.
Don’t be caught dead in Tier 3: Nuclear Meltdown
There’s nothing wrong with pockets apparently, because no one would ever think to put a cell phone in there. And other footwear is perfectly fine, according to school administrators. Only Uggs are a problem.
These shoes seem to incite evil. Whether they’re turning young women into prostitutes or they’re giving rogues a place to hide their ever-so-dangerous cell phones, Uggs just seem to be a bad choice all around. Also, if you’ve been with a woman who wears Uggs, Britt says you can “save the trip to the doctor’s office; you have Chlamydia.”
College sophomore Zach Burchill is aware of the sorority girl stereotype being spoofed in the article, and admits that he sometimes associates Uggs with the Greek system. But, “I’m conscious of the stereotype of Uggs, so I’m conscious it isn’t true,” he said.
Zach, who read Britt’s article, thinks the piece was not so much about making jokes as mocking an enemy.
“But the way [Britt] says it…it seems like he has a deep-seeded emotional problem with sorority girls,” Zach added.
In the spirit of not forming opinions based around one disagreeable author’s rant, I decided to ask guys from Penn and the University of the Sciences what they thought of the trend. Thankfully, their opinions weren’t nearly so negative. That said, not all the opinions were positive, either.
College freshmen Jake Lerner and Dilip Rajan both agreed that although Uggs don’t look too good, they’ve been told the boots were comfortable. They also said that they didn’t understand why some girls would wear Uggs in the summer.
University of the Sciences sophomore Cameron Strong had a different problem with the furry footwear. “They’re okay looking, but too many people wear them,” he said.
Gerard Ligonde, also a University of the Sciences sophomore, compared Uggs to Crocks, saying “There’s no other excuse to wear them except that everyone else wears them.”
“Other people wear them because other people wear them. They’re not fashionable,” he added.
I think I’m starting to spot a trend; apparently some college guys think we shouldn’t follow this one.
But Gerard made another interesting point. “If you look good in them, you look good in them.”
That’s a bit better. At least in this case you’re judging the shoes by who’s wearing them—even if the judgment is still based on looks.
Yet I think we should listen to University of the Sciences’ Andrew Nguyen, who graduates in 2016, on this one. “If you want to wear them, you wear them,” he said.
“What it comes down to is you can’t argue with being comfortable,” Zach said, echoing Andrew’s statement. “There’s no way to defend uncomfortable fads, like corsets. If they’re comfortable, I value function over form.”
At the end of the day, it’s up to you whether or not you want to follow certain fashion trends. After all, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. And the insides of my Uggs feel like warm, fuzzy pillows. I’m not sure I can argue with that.
And if you’re worried about what guys (or school administrators) might think of the trend, understand that it’s the girl wearing the boots that matters more than the boots themselves. Eventually certain humor writers and administrators will devise a better way to tell who’s a weapon-wielding slut.