Here we are, again: the daunting prospect of another February 14th spent without a significant other – maybe you’re in that weird zone of random hookup, “talking,” a thing, or just completely, 100% single. Wherever you are, non-dating humans of Penn, fear not: there are, in actuality, several pros that we single people can take from what some will assume is the obvious misery of being single this Valentine’s Day.
1. Comfort food – If there is any day more permissible to wallow in self-pity than Valentine’s Day when you’re single, let me know – otherwise, I’ve been wasting all of my wallowing on a single day. Why not extend the wallowing to a week?
2. No sharing of said comfort food – If you were dating someone, you’d be sharing all of that gluttonous, greasy lo mein – and who the hell wants to do that?
3. No planning of a date – When you’re not in a committed ANYTHING, free rein goes to letting you do pretty much whatever you want, without the hassle of having to make reservations, find gifts, or rush to the CVS on 34th to find a shitty, last minute Valentine’s Day card.
4. The excitement of possibility – If you were in a relationship, would you be allowed to get inappropriately drunk at a BYO on campus? Of course not. It’s a god damn Sunday night. But if you are, however, single and with girlfriends bingeing on Thai food and Franzia, you have absolute license to fall out of your chair on multiple occasions and spill several plastic cups of wine on the tile floor.
And, to top this off, you don’t need to be with or rely on anyone, EVER. Whether or not a socially constructed and card-motivated holiday tells you to do so. So, kill it, single, dating, or in-between humans.
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