The media loves to tell us how relationships should or should not work. Sometimes, it can make a good point, but often, it perpetuates some not-so-healthy stereotypes and misconceptions that may seem romantic in theory, but are destructive in practice. Here are a few of the big ones debunked!
1) Compatibility means similar interests and/or chemistry.
There needs to be enough attraction and substance to hold interest, but it doesn’t have to be love at first sight or anything close to the sexual tension portrayed in most movies. A lot of what makes two people click is actually built up over time. The more you interact with each other, the better the communication and the stronger the chemistry. As for similar interests, variety is the spice of life!
2) Passion is the most important component in making a relationship work.
Most stories and films end when the passion dies down (i.e. after the couple gets together or gets married). Most real life relationships will not be riding off into the sunset. It will look like effort, sacrifice, and a whole lot of communication. Passion, while important throughout, is overrated. Once you exit the honeymoon stage, comfort and stability will be a lot more important.
3) Your partner should be 100% supportive of everything that you do.
A good partner should support you when you’re right, but also be able to look at your decisions objectively. Instead of agreeing blindly with everything and boosting your ego, your SO should challenge you to consider perspectives different from your own, and question you so that you can become a better person.
4) Good couples don’t argue.
If you’re going to be spending that much time with someone, you will inevitably argue. The important thing is to not keep your anger in, not to attack your partner in a non-constructive or unnecessary way, and to not make important decisions in the heat of the moment. If you are unsatisfied, then state it, or else you will come off as extremely passive-aggressive when your anger explodes in the future. Communication is a crucial part of making relationships work and it’s important to be honest about the bad and the good, even if that means momentary tension and discomfort.
5) If sex doesn’t work the first few times, it’s not meant to be.
Again, communication is key. Sex, like everything else, will get better the more you do it and the more you communicate what you like and dislike with your partner.
6) You shouldn’t be attracted to anyone other than your SO.
We’re all human. Of course you’re going to be attracted to other people. The important thing is that you don’t want to act on it. It’s also helpful to be honest and open with each other (“Elsa is the most attractive Disney character ever made” -my boyfriend after seeing Frozen), and make a joke out of it.
7) You must like everything about your partner.
No one is perfect, and that’s not going to change. What you should be looking is someone close to perfect for you — someone who balances out your flaws and weaknesses, and vice versa. Think of it like puzzle pieces: you want to complement each other by providing what the other lacks. Yes, there will be pet peeves and grievances, but that’s where communication comes into play. I hate that my boyfriend is surgically attached to his phone and I’ve made that clear to him. He’s not changing, but he is conscious to make an effort when with me.
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8) You should want to be together all the time.
This one tripped me up a lot towards the beginning of my relationship. There were days when I just wanted alone time, in my room reading by myself. It took me a while to realize that space is perfectly healthy. The more time you spend together, the quicker you will get fed up. Besides, your friends, family, and other commitments should never have to suffer. Independence is key in maintaining interest long-term. Don’t forget to do you.
9) You need to lower your standards.
Everyone used to tell me this in high school. I didn’t. Now, I’m exactly where I want to be. If you hold each other to high standards, you will get very high results. And if you feel like you’re being too picky? Don’t. Believe that there are better options out there. Never settle, and never forget what you’re worth.
10) If you’re in love, you should stick together no matter what.
This may seem like a romantic concept but what about abuse? What if you feel like your relationship is bringing you down, or like your partner is taking advantage of you? If this is the case, get out. Remember that you don’t owe anyone anything and that every relationship should be mutually beneficial. Don’t give more than you get, and don’t feel obliged to stay for anyone else’s sake. You are your number one priority.
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