Edited by Megan Cambruzzi
My interactions with self-care always go one of two ways. The better of the two instances occur when I’m lying in bed, scrolling on TikTok or Instagram after a productive day. When I’m on top of my school work, keeping up with my social relationships, eating well, working out, and making time for my hobbies, coming across a couple of aesthetically perfect, 60-second clips of someone else’s “day in the life: self-care edition” doesn’t seem so bad. Admittedly, I often find myself bookmarking these posts in the moment, making a mental note to purchase some designer laundry detergent or guided journal as ‘investments’ I should incorporate into my own life.
The funny thing is, I never consider how my consumption of ‘self-care centered’ media, advertisements, or sometimes even conversations with friends negatively affect me until I hit a low point and no longer feel like I am at my best. When I’m drowning in schoolwork, hardly going out, and sacrificing almost all of my free time to squeeze in an hour or two of studying for endless tests, my remaining time is likely spent sleeping, eating, and showering. Otherwise known as the bare minimum. Rather than appreciate the posts I bookmarked or the resulting pricey face mask sitting in my online shopping cart, I find myself avoiding the (suddenly loud, irritating, and anxiety-inducing) topic of self-care altogether. It’s as though I’ve suddenly become painfully aware that the seemingly ‘genuine’ tips and recommendations I came across would do little more than persuade me to buy some product I definitely did not need or take part in an activity that would not work with my schedule, or frankly, my life. If I wasn’t giving into buying another body scrub or trying to emulate someone’s five AM wake up routine (after staying up until one or two AM), then I was convinced that binge-watching Netflix (until I felt terribly guilty about it) was a perfectly healthy way to take care of myself.
By no means am I saying that every self-care Instagram post or TikTok video is universally unrealistic or harmful to consume, but I do believe that by overly absorbing such content, we impose certain expectations on ourselves that ultimately cause further frustration when we cannot (often for reasons out of our control) achieve them. Let me be clear, it is entirely possible to participate in self-care without buying the trendiest skincare products or following some cookie-cutter diet, exercise, or sleep routine.
There have been countless times when I feel as though strangers on the internet have achieved a level of self-care that I could only dream of simply because they go to the gyms x times a week or treat themselves to an expensive take-out dinner. The issue isn’t that these are incorrect forms of self-care. Quite oppositely, it’s thinking that self-care must always look a certain way or include specific activities or purchases to truly count. If going to the gym three days a week or having take-out once a week is what best suits you and makes you feel good, then it is undoubtedly self-care. But if you prefer going to the gym twice a week or enjoy cooking your meals at home, that doesn’t mean you are caring for yourself less in comparison. This was a hard lesson for me to grasp (and sometimes continues to be!), but an essential one.
While we can observe and appreciate the different ways that other people may choose to participate in self-care, this is your reminder that, ultimately, self-care is, as its name says, taking care of yourself and investing in your needs, interests, and feelings, no one else’s! Personally, I find that I contribute most effectively to my own self-care by being nice to myself and reminding myself that I’m only human. While I know it sounds cliche, I find that giving myself small reminders and affirmations when life gets particularly stressful goes a long way. For example, at the beginning of a hectic week or month, I make sure to check in with myself and plan a schedule I know is realistic and mindful of both my state of mind and the time that I have. While it is easy to be over-ambitious, I try to avoid over-planning, so I don’t feel disappointed or unproductive if I cannot finish everything I set out to do. On that note, I also prepare myself for situations where things might not work out exactly how I planned them to. Whether I lose an hour or two of study time or have to ask for an extension on a paper, I try my best to be conscious of my tendency to lash out at myself. Things happen, life happens, and if I try my best, that is all that matters.
Don’t get me wrong, when I can, jade-rolling, bubble-baths, and turning on my comfort TV show brings a certain sense of self-indulgence that I continue to gravitate towards. Nonetheless, if I’ve learned anything over the last couple of years, it’s that self-care is, and always will be, whatever makes me feel my best, regardless of how similar or different that may look in comparison to the content I come across on social media.