Edited by Avleen Grewal
I met my boyfriend (Tye) around this time last year. He is actually the first person I’ve ever dated, and I’m so happy that he is. But because this is my first relationship, I went into it with no previous experience, and no expectations of how I would behave as part of a couple. This made me very apprehensive, but he has been so understanding and accepting. Over the course of this year, I have learned so much about myself and what I value in my relationship.
Sometimes Fighting Is Good
I remember when we first started dating, I couldn’t think of a single thing we could possibly fight about. He was perfect, perfect for me, and the world was a beautiful place full of butterflies and light and laughter! Ahh, the honeymoon phase. I was in love with love, and couldn’t get enough. But once the crazy love hormones leveled out a bit, I began noticing little things that would really piss me off. Before being in a relationship, I always thought that fighting in a relationship spelled trouble. Having now had a handful of arguments, I’ve actually realized that for us, fighting actually has its benefits.
When we fight, it usually stems from one of us misinterpreting something the other said. So arguing about it actually allows us to clarify what we meant, and come to a better understanding of how our partner actually feels and thinks about a certain topic. Obviously, I don’t particularly enjoy when we fight, but in the end, I have a better understanding of my boyfriend. He agrees, and has told me that he feels closer to me after we discuss our fights, because he better understands my point of view after talking about it, than had we not argued at all.
I Need Communication
Now, most people would probably agree on this point. I know that for me, I hate ambiguity, especially when it comes to what Tye is thinking or saying. We have always been very open with each other right from the start, and this was one of the things that I knew was going to be important to me once I started dating. There are definitely times when one of us would rather not talk about a certain topic because it’s uncomfortable or upsetting, but I’ve found that once we do, we both feel so much better. Just knowing that I’m on the same page as him about where we’re at and how we’re feeling makes me feel more connected to him.
He’s Increased My Confidence
I’ve struggled over the years with self-esteem issues, and was definitely in a much better place when I started seeing him—but being with Tye has really increased my confidence. Always having someone who verbalizes your strengths and compliments your talents really enhances your own self image. He’s helped me realize that sometimes I really sell myself short, and that I have more to offer than I give myself credit for. He always tells me that if I could see myself through his eyes I would be blown away. I think that hearing how he views me helps me view myself with more self love and acceptance.
I’m Always Learning More About Him
Before I started dating, I always wondered how people could stay with someone for such long periods of time and never get bored. We’ve only been together for a year, but even still, I figured I would’ve learned all I needed to know about him in the first couple months. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Of course, we discussed all the basic “getting to know you” topics early on, but he still surprises me all the time! My boyfriend took business in college, but never really talked much about it. But a few months back, I got him talking about it, and it was amazing! I’d never seen him talk so passionately and animatedly about something before. He surprised me with both how much he knew and how much he loved it. We’re both people who open up a little bit more as time passes, and I get to see deeper layers of him–what inspires him, and what he really cares about.
Being Completely Myself
Throughout my life, I’ve had intensely close friendships, but because I have an identical twin, I’ve always compared the closeness of my relationships to this. Me and my sister share literally everything with each other, and have since day one. We can be the truest form of ourselves, the weird, goofy, and awkward parts spilling out naturally together, without any judgment. I never anticipated that I would be able to attain that level of comfort with anyone else in my life. I was always afraid I’d have to hold some of myself back, and to censor the parts of me that I’ve only ever shared with my sister. But I’ve found this again with Tye. Of course, this doesn’t take away from the incredible relationship I have with my sister, but I know that this level of closeness is an absolute necessity for me in my relationship. I need to be able to be myself, and to share every nitty gritty detail of my life with my partner. And I absolutely can with him, and that has been the best thing about us being together. He’s told me that he has never been so close with someone, never felt so comfortable before. I now know that this is one of the most important aspects of our relationship.
My relationship is not always glamorous, and we definitely have our off days. But I found someone who values all of the same things I do for a relationship, and who encourages me to be myself, just as I am. I have learned so many things, and have gotten to understand myself better, and what is important to me, both in life and my relationship. This past year has taught me so much, but I can’t wait to keep learning.