With the school year over and summer upon us, most students have returned to their hometowns which means moving back into childhood bedrooms, reconnecting with old friends, and enjoying the warmth of the sun after enduring the long and dreadful months of Canada’s coldest winter in a while. For whatever reason, summer creates the illusion that anything and everything is possible during the four months of absolute freedom, even with the accompaniment of summer school or internships. This illusion inspires many students to search for a hook-up buddy, aka: friends with benefits. I know for a fact, that many of my guy friends are in this particular position right now. But I will say that from personal and observational experience, hook-up buddies are a recipe for disaster.
University changed and expanded my perspective on many things in my life. One of them being relationships and casual hook-ups. As a teenager, I never felt the need to engage in anything other than a platonic relationship. While my friends were eager to find a boyfriend, I was not. As such, it became evident that I was the girl who was pitied during every family function. Even amongst my friends, I was the “ugly duckling.” The girl who would rather spend her time with her friends than a boy. The thought of pursuing a casual, non-committed “friendship” never entered my mind, as it was still considered taboo in my high school and group of friends. Once university came along, it was a totally different ball game. Sometime during my first semester, I found myself using various apps like Tinder to meet new people. At first, it was just for laughs, but quickly, it became a genuine method of finding those who wanted what I wanted—casual, laid-back fun.
So, shall we get into my funny, awkward experience with two of my hook-up buddies? I promise you will be highly amused and if not, I apologize in advance.
Around October of last year, I met an attractive second year at Ryerson University— Jack. He was studying something important, I think. Though I may be fuzzy on his major, I definitely remember him being cute, smart, and overall chill. I decided to meet up with him and have dinner. Keep in mind that this was my first real date experience (I had no boyfriends or any experience with boys outside of friendships). All in all, the date went well and so did our mutual agreement of what we expected of each other. Needless to say, we both had a constant booty call for about three weeks; that is, until Jack caught feelings. Now, the majority of people who know me are painfully aware of the fact that I despise people who go against their word, in this particular case, our mutual agreement and intentions. Not only did this guy change what he wanted altogether, but he also demanded that I change my expectations to meet his. Exclusivity, commitment, what have you. The friendship ended with a few arguments, angry text messages and drunken voicemails. Basically, I have not spoken to him since.
At around December, I became acquainted with a guy who also happened to be studying at Ryerson University—a third year. Ironically, we met at a social gathering and he was introduced to me as Jackson. Again, funnily enough, Jackson preferred his nickname: Jack. He and I clicked instantly and eventually, we too became friends with benefits. Somewhere around early January, things got a little intense. I realized that I had begun to develop feelings for him and naturally, I began to panic. A part of myself told me to leave and never look back, but the other part told me to take a risk and see what would happen. Normally, I would not recommend the latter, but for whatever reason, I assumed that Jack #2 had developed some sort of emotional connection with me. So there I was, sitting on his couch for a casual movie date, staring at the television screen while sweating profusely and hyperventilating. I mustered up some courage and spilled my confession to him. Unfortunately, he did not feel the same (surprise, surprise); so again, I was the one who ended the friendship. This all would have been a great learning experience if I had simply been able to avoid bumping into them. Both.
[pagebreak]
Life is unexpected but if you introduce karma into that equation, the end result is never an exciting one. It was reading week when the fiasco happened, exploding and interfering with my peaceful, undramatic life. I had returned from a long day of studying when I decided to meet up with an old friend of mine—Natasha. She was a childhood friend who had recently transferred to Ryerson last semester. We experienced many failed attempts to devise a successful hang out, so when reading week came around, I was thrilled to have some free time to see her. We decided to meet up at a small café downtown. On our way there, she explained that her boyfriend of a couple months had started working at the café. Naturally, I suspected nothing and went along with the plan; however, when I arrived at the café, I made direct eye contact with Jack… #1. I remember feeling completely confused and dazed for about five minutes. I entered a phase of complete panic when Natasha introduced him to me as “my boyfriend, Jack”. Needless to say, I was shocked and very uncomfortable with the situation. Luckily, the café was beginning to get busy so I was able to catch up with Natasha sans distraction. We talked for what felt like hours until she smiled at whoever was standing behind me. I turned around and Jack #2 (Jackson) had somehow miraculously entered the café and discovered my presence.
Things got really weird from there. I had no other choice but to acknowledge Jack #2 and introduce him as an “old friend of mine” to Natasha. Without hesitation, she reacted as a typical girlfriend (who knew everything) would: “Oh, so this is him? Like him?” I was once again, mortified and ready to go home and crawl back into my bed. Thankfully, Jack #2 let Natasha’s comment slide and proceeded to make small talk while I anxiously avoided Jack #1’s intense stare. Up until that moment, I had completely forgotten about him and dismissed him from my mind. I prayed that the conversation would end and we would all go back to our normal lives, but of course, we never get what we want in life. Jack #2 excused himself to buy a cup of coffee, and guess whose line he decided to stand in? Jack #1’s. Of the two lines that existed, my ex-hook up felt the need to stand in my ex-ex-hookup’s. I wasn’t anxious for anything other than the fact that somehow the two men would make small talk and eventually talk about me. But the two were quite unaware of the other in respect to a mutual friendship. I was clearly paranoid for no apparent reason because the day ended successfully and everyone went home in one piece.
My experience with engaging in casual hook-up relationships has been the most entertaining in my first year of university. My outlook on committed relationships has not changed, but the way I have decided to deal with friends with benefits definitely has. I don’t regret anything but I do wish that downtown was bigger because that would allow fewer chances of bumping into people whom you do not particularly want to see again. Am I right, ladies? Or am I right, ladies?
Photo Source
https://media4.giphy.com/media/vBauOXVk4CJZS/200_s.gif
http://www.thesinglepartyofone.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/tinder2.jpg
http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/MjAxMy00M2NlYzg3MjY4YmE2O…