Clean the Car
Okay, so you might be pretending this is a spur-of-the-moment thing, but if you’re reading this article before going to pick someone up, you think there’s a chance something’s going to happen. Old coffee cups, receipts, and god knows whatever else you might have thrown in the backseat are not a turn on. Take a few minutes to tidy up before heading out.
Find a secluded spot before the event
These are actually more difficult to find in the dark while distracted than you might think. Scope out potential locations in advance so that you don’t waste time you could be spending getting down and dirty.
Have wet wipes and/or tissues on hand
Those wet wipes your mom insisted on keeping in the car until they dried out? Yeah, those. Tissues also work. The point is, however perfectly you think your night might go, you’re hooking up in a car, and there’s probably going to be cum to clean up. You won’t regret having something other than your t-shirt there.
Push the front seats forward, and have an idea of the space before diving in
Okay, this one may seem obvious, but it’s easy to forget in the heat of the moment. Get the lay of the land before getting into it. Trust me, you’ll be much better at catching yourself later when you start to fall off the seat if you do.
When clothes come off, keep them on different seats
Driver puts their clothes on their seat, and the other person puts theirs on the passenger seat. It may seem like an annoying step, but it’ll make it a lot easier to get dressed in the dark.
Have a flashlight or phone in an easy spot to find
From experience I can tell you that you do not want to find out the next day that someone has left their belt in the other’s car. Having a light in an easy to reach spot, like a cup holder, makes finding bits and pieces much less complicated.
Know exactly where the condoms are
You probably don’t want to waste time scrambling around in the dark trying to find a condom. This really shouldn’t need explaining.
Take turns, make mistakes, figure out which positions work best
The backseat of a car is hardly the ideal place to f*ck, so things might get a bit awkward. There are a few positions that just aren’t going to work: 69 and doggy, however much fun they may be in the bedroom, are not ideally suited to confines of a car. Actually, 69 might work with practice, but at that point you should really just get a room. Instead, fingering, hand jobs, taking turns going down on each other, missionary, and straddling are your best options.
Establish where he’s going to cum before it happens
Do you really want to have to clean semen out of plush seats?
Allow time to let the windows defog after the fact
Chances are you’re not the only one who’s going to need to cool down, so will the car. Driving half blind is never a good idea so factor in a few extra minutes to let the windows defog.
PS. F*ck someone you can laugh with, not just before and after but also during sex. Relax and have fun!