A Guide to Heartbreak for Women in Their 20s

A resounding experience, a life-changing lesson – both responses to young heartbreak that sound meagre, insufficient in encapsulating the true pain of the experience. Unfortunately, both eventually ring true, but everything feels lost in the soul-crushing moment of it all. As a 21-year-old woman who is accomplished in the subject, having gone through my fair share of heartbreak recently—I can tell you that it does get better, even if it sounds grossly trivial now. 

To those reading this, either suffering the experience of heartbreak, a veteran to the feeling, or one yet to be acquainted with the matter, I am here for you. Being in our age range and being so full of hope and love, it’s so hard. But it’s also what makes us so, so marvellous. 

At first, when your heart is broken, whether your partner leaves you or you leave them, it feels as though the world has ended, like the ceiling has come crashing down upon you. Do not let those around you tell you, ‘It’s just a breakup’, ‘you’ll be fine’ or ‘just move on’. That feeling you hold within your chest, the sinking feeling that makes you believe you may collapse, is valid. I beg you to embrace it, but don’t let it swallow you whole. 

Next come the days that drag on, as though you are in a slow-motion scene from Inception. Everything reminds you of them; every memory comes flooding back the minute you wake up. Feel this, don’t try to distract yourself. Although the pain feels never-ending, you must let yourself endure it. Avoidance will only cause the feelings to resurface later. By sitting with it, you are allowing yourself to begin to heal. You make think you see them walking down the street, sipping a drink at your favourite cafe when they’re not there; you’re not crazy, your body is still learning to live without them, to detach from the idea that they might still be around. Although it may feel hopeless, the most important thing is to remember that it’s for the better, because you will be better. 

After the pain starts to feel less sharp, a numbness may set in. Although this is just my experience along with a few other women I have talked to, this can manifest differently for others. Anger, loneliness, disorientation, etc. This stage is confusing, but regardless of how you are feeling, surrounding yourself with love is crucial. Never forget that you are cherished by friends, family, coworkers, and your fellow humans. The love you had for that partner has not left you; it is inside you, ready to be given elsewhere. It’s proof of how deeply and fully you can love. It’s beautiful, it’s a testament to who you are, and it’s something to be astoundingly proud of. 

One day, you will wake up, and you won’t feel pain anymore. You may not even notice, but it’s gone. You are once again wholly you, complete and free. You are beautiful, you are loved, and the world is so happy to have you here. And I, as someone who has gone through it, am so incredibly proud of you.

• 20s
• breakup
• heartbreak
• love
• mental health
• relationships
• women