When summer ended and a new semester rolled in, I found myself in a position I had not anticipated: I was dumped. Shocked and broken-hearted, I fought through the nights of tears and the mornings of a cold, empty bed. And once I’d made my way out of the fire and the smoke had cleared, I was left feeling—extremely horny.
Not only am I sexually frustrated, but I’m also facing a dilemma: I don’t want to be in another relationship, but I’m also not enthusiastic about just hooking up with someone. It puts me between a rock and a hard place when I’d rather be between a rock and a hard … you know what I’m talking about. Now standing at the crossroads of celibacy and getting laid, I’ve weighed what seems like all my viable options. Long story short, I need to decide if I can get comfortable with casual sex.
I swear I wasn’t always so anxious about the idea of hookup culture. Let’s hop into my metaphorical time machine, and I’ll grant you some dirt on my past self. For her, Tinder was more than just a way to keep my thumb busy while binge-watching hours of Netflix. I actually talked to my matches and went on dates with them. I know, mind-blowing that I would actually use the app for that which it was intended. Maybe I’ve just grown up, or maybe I’ve just grown shy, but I can’t seem to engage in these forced meet-cutes with the same vigour that I once did.
My reluctance towards casual sex also comes with hesitancy to build an emotional connection alongside the physical. As the trauma of my breakup remains like a splinter in the most reclusive area of my heart, I wouldn’t want someone to reach in and get stabbed. In addition to all that sappy stuff, I really don’t think I have the amount of free time it takes to build a genuine romantic partnership. There are things in life that I need: exercise, friends, family, academic and vocational success, and coffee (in no particular order). And I just barely manage to squeeze all those in. I don’t need a man, and when it comes down to it, I will always choose myself and my needs first.
All in all, I’m not sure what a girl really can do in my situation. Should I just open my legs, or do I need to open my heart along with them? There’s nothing wrong with casual sex or with being in a relationship, but neither seem to fit my agenda (whatever my agenda actually is remains a mystery to me). I guess you can’t have your cake and eat it, too, but I’m a gluttonous bitch, so I’ll figure it out. And until then, l will be accepting vibrator recommendations in the comments.