Year: Junior
Major: American Studies
Relationship Status: It’s Complicated
Hometown: My loyalties are split between Ohio and Virginia, albeit biased towards the latter
What are some of the struggles you face as a LGBTQ college student, especially at UW?
Luckily, remarkably, I haven’t had much of an issue at UW. Granted, there are plenty of slurs hurled in jest among people, and use of ‘gay’ as an insult (why does that still happen?), but not directed at me. There is a great support network on campus, and multiple RSO’s and campus events and associations that add to the general air of acceptance at UW. I’ve been pleasantly surprised—and in my opinion, I think Laramie works especially hard at LGBTQ acceptance because of Matt Shepard, and the spotlight our city has had in regards to queer rights because of his death.
I think, since I don’t fit any visual stereotype of ‘looking gay’, I’ve been spared some of the negative attention that might come with being queer. Although, there is a weird psychological thing that happens as a result of this—I get it in my head that I somehow need that attention, negative or not, to validate my identity. If people don’t see me as queer, am I really queer?
Self-doubt like this is common among queer kids, and so are plenty of other unhealthy feelings and habits. Nationwide there may be more acceptance and support of LGBTQ people and our rights, but that doesn’t mean we don’t still experience daily trials and hardships. Often, internalized homophobia and the pressure to conform to society can be the most dangerous.
What’s the hardest thing you’ve had to overcome in college?
Everyone has issues surviving college, with the social life, the grades, the activities, all that…but add clinical depression, OCD, anxiety, and Tourette’s syndrome on top of that, and I’ve had a hell of a time even getting to classes, let alone passing them. There are days, weeks even, that I can barely make it out of my room. I haven’t overcome any of my illnesses, and seeing as they’re chronic, I probably won’t ever be freed from them, but I’ve learned a lot about what I’m capable of, how far I can go, and how to cope with my issues. It’s a constant journey—just like coming out. There are social stigmas to being both queer and mentally ill, and they’re extra things you have to battle on top of the reality of your personal lived experience.
What’s the best thing that’s happened to you in college?
The people I’ve met and made connections with have made every hardship worthwhile. I have made friends with so many incredible people, from all walks of life. I’ve become friends with people I would have never predicted I’d be friends with, and that has given me so much joy and width to my life. Fisher, my dog, has helped tremendously with that!
Your companion dog Fisher is adorable. How has he helped you since you’ve got him?
Fisher is 9 years old, a border collie-lab, and likes long walks at Vedauwoo. He is a rescue from the Laramie animal shelter, and I adopted him last March.
This dog has been a lifesaver. I wouldn’t be where I am today, personally or academically, without him. From his time as an emotional support dog to his successes as my psychiatric service dog (in training), he has stood with me when I felt like I couldn’t bear the storm inside, broken the ice and helped me meet with friends and professors, made me laugh on days when I felt buried by the weight of sh*t in my brain, and given me the confidence to push myself and try things that wouldn’t have seemed possible a year ago.
Although, having a service dog for mental illnesses simultaneously makes my disabilities more visible and less visible. People see a service dog, and expect me to be in a wheelchair, or using a cane—anxiety and depression are not recognized as universally valid reasons for needing a service dog. On the other hand, when people see a service dog, they invariably wonder, ‘what’s wrong with her?’
I’d ask for people to be more considerate of service dogs and their handlers; please don’t pet without asking, don’t stare at us or take photos, and please, please, don’t ask why I have a service dog. It’s personal.
Who is your celebrity crush?
Gillian Anderson. The most beautiful, badass woman alive. This isn’t even a contest. If you don’t know who she is, she played Scully on the X Files (which my dorm room is a shrine to) and has done a hell of a lot of amazing things since then. She’s a feminist for the ages and one of the most talented actresses I’ve ever known of. Look her up…fall in love…
What is your ideal date?
Chasing aliens with Dana Scully. I’m serious. Flashlights, UFOs, the whole 9 yards. I’m a huge gay nerd and I’m proud of it.
What is the most important thing to you, in a person?
That our values align—I’ve learned that I can’t be with someone, either in a romantic relationship or a friendship, who doesn’t at least understand and respect my views on things that are important to me (like veganism, social justice, etc).
What makes someone ready for a relationship, in your opinion? I think this is really, really dependent on the individual. I can say, that in my experience, you have to be willing to allow your partner to become a really important force and presence in your life, and you have to allow yourself to take up that same space in theirs. You have to be ready to support them and be ready to face the difficult sh*t. If you’re in it just for the good, and not the bad, that’s not respectful or realistic.