Going away to college is not simply an academic endeavor; it’s moving away from home, it’s integrating yourself into an entirely new social scene, it’s learning how to be on your own, and it’s recognizing that you’re growing up. Perhaps the most difficult part in growing up is coming to terms with it—feeling the time slipping through your fingers, watching the hours pass on a clock, listening to the sounds of the world as they continue to ebb and flow for everybody and yet stop for nobody—but this is what the entire year has been about: learning and growth. I am growing up and I am growing into a person I love and a person I am proud to be. Our environment and who we surround ourselves with is a significant part of what shapes who we are and who we become, and spending my freshman year of college at UC Berkeley has shaped me for the better. My first year here has marked a new beginning in my life with lots of “news” and a bit of “olds” with the people I hope to have had an impact on and the people who have undoubtedly changed me.
I have met some of my forever friends. I am grateful for all the people I have met here and their role in my life, big or small. I have been working on growing out of my social awkwardness—although not entirely successful, yet—as I become more and more comfortable with talking to the people I have grown to love seeing throughout my weekly routine. The new and exciting feelings we all felt in those first college moments have never entirely faded; everything still seems new and will always feel exciting. Every connection I make with someone I met this year holds the hope of a new friendship and the promise of a new change.
Not only has coming here allowed me to meet new people, but it has also allowed me to strengthen my relationships with the people I already had. I loved being roommates with my best friend from back home and being able to practically have a sleepover everyday, and I loved walking over to our other friend’s dorm almost every other day. I loved proving everyone wrong when they said we would get sick of each other in college and I loved becoming closer to them even when I thought it wasn’t possible.
I call my mom often just to tell her how much I miss her and I text my brother to make sure he’s doing good. I text my friends from back home because I miss how they make me laugh and I send them pictures when something reminds me of them. Coming here has shown me the importance of making an effort in all relationships with people because people should be prioritized and growing up has shown me how much I can love.
I have been challenged by myself and by others to grow into the individual that I am now. Berkeley is competitive; I have pushed myself to put myself out there even though the task seems daunting. During second semester, I started applying to clubs even though the environment seemed to dissuade me. Going through the process itself was an accomplishment, in my mind, because it reminded me that I can only fare well if I actually move myself to action. I have also been inspired by the drive and ambition possessed by others that is evident in their accomplishments, hoping that one day mine will reflect the same.
I came to Berkeley because I wanted to go above and beyond what was expected of me, and everyday I work with the same intent. I have learned that hard work actually does pay off and that my old habits are not sustainable in such a rigorous environment. This sentiment has disheartened me at times, but it ultimately has provided me with a stronger drive and a stronger effectiveness of my own volitions.
I have gotten used to saying goodbye, but I have grown fond of saying hi. The entirety of my life before this year had mostly stayed the same. I moved houses, but stayed in the same city, and I went from elementary school to middle school to high school, but stayed with the same people. Every goodbye I had said in these instances only lasted until the next time I returned. This was not the case when graduating high school and moving to college. I was saying goodbye to a community I felt welcomed in and the people I had loved my whole life to venture off into the exciting and the unknown. Now, everytime I return home for break, I say goodbye to my life in Berkeley, but I also know I’m able to return with open arms once I say goodbye to my life back home. I am torn between the two places I now belong to, but now there is more room in my heart for both of them, for San Diego and for Berkeley.
I am still scared of the future, but the past year in this city has taught me that I can make the most out of whatever is to come next. I have always been one with a tendency to worry about every single possibility. There have been countless nights where I lay in bed, unable to fall asleep, anxiously anticipating the next day and the next month and the next year. One of the biggest changes of my life was coming to Berkeley, which brought about many of those sleepless nights. I worried about being away from home, being in charge of myself, meeting new people, and being in such a highly competitive environment. However, with each night I spent here, the worries started to ease away. This did not make any aspect of going to college less challenging, but it has shown me that worrying does no good. I have had fun in my first year here, and any experience I look back on as “difficult,” I can explicate its rewarding qualities through the joy I gave or received. The good will always outweigh the bad.
I am thankful for the sun that comes out after a long period of rain, when everyone goes outside to collectively welcome the warmth. I am thankful for the Bay Area views outside of my eighth floor window and the sunsets I get to watch every night. I am thankful for the long nights spent writing an essay I started the day it was due and for the fun nights I have been able to spend out with my friends. I am thankful for the small, mundane things I have been able to experience here and I am thankful for the life-altering lessons I have learned. I have found my home away from home. Berkeley, I love you.