“It’s not good enough.” — something I’ve been telling myself all semester. Unless it’s an A, it seems I’m never truly satisfied— never validated. When I graduated from community college, I told myself that I’d start living by the “C’s get degrees” motto; then I got to Berkeley, and the pressure was back on.
Now that my first midterm season here is over, I’ve begun exploring my feelings surrounding academics/grades. Rather than continuing to stress about what I can’t change (which doesn’t ever help anyway), I’m trying to reframe my way of thinking:
What would a younger version of myself think of me now?
There’s so much pressure to be perfect, especially attending a university like UC Berkeley where you’re surrounded by other high achievers— often in classes where it appears everyone else but you gets it. Not to mention, the academic culture in our society has conditioned us to believe that B’s are bad— anything lower isn’t even worth mentioning. Even if you know that’s not true, it’s hard to believe it’s not true.
What isn’t hard to believe is that we’ve worked hard to get here. Ever since I figured out what Cal was, I secretly wished I’d be granted the opportunity to attend one day; secretly, because I never thought it would happen.
When I figured out I got in, I told everyone that I wouldn’t believe it until I was sitting in my first class. After getting here and meeting other new students, I realized this experience wasn’t exclusive to me. For myself and many of my peers, getting accepted to UC Berkeley is one of our greatest achievements thus far. Nonetheless, it’s one of many achievements, making it easy to forget that this was once just a dream.
Of course, it’s not like we have magical powers that can immediately retrain our brains into believing A’s aren’t important— it will take time. What we can do is imagine how proud our younger selves would be to see what we’ve become— what we’re still becoming. We’re here for a reason. If you feel challenged, it’s because you should! While it may seem like you’re the only one who doesn’t know what’s going on, you’re not; even the people who look like they know, often don’t. Your job is to disregard the noise! Ignore the things and feelings that don’t serve you— I know, it’s cliche, but it’s true. Next time you’re feeling doubtful or disappointed in your academics, or even in life, think of your younger self. Even if you don’t think they’d be proud, I promise you they are.