It feels like just yesterday that I was a freshman wandering around campus, finding my footing, and meeting my first friends. I swear the air felt fresher and lighter back then. Yes, I’m dramatic, and yes, I also claim to be the most nostalgic person on the planet. I firmly believe that the first year of college changes a person in every aspect.
I entered school as a wide-eyed, confused, and hesitant 18-year-old. I’ve always had a pretty strong sense of self, but looking back two years, my self-confidence was significantly lower than even I remember. Throughout the chaos of freshman year—the imposter syndrome, nights out, missed assignments, first situationships, newly formed friendships—comes so much self-discovery.
I’ve become more sure of myself and my values through every triumph and obstacle. I sometimes find myself longing for the newness of freshman year when everything felt like a clean slate. When I think about it seriously, however, I’m grateful it happened, but also glad it’s over. Now, I find myself navigating a new challenge: grappling with the fact that my college years are slipping away.
People often refer to the “sophomore year slump,” where one experiences a lack of motivation towards school and college life. I oppose this phenomenon and suggest it be the “junior year slump.” Sophomore year carried elements of naiveté and freshness that junior year squandered.
Junior year feels like this in-between stage; I’m in limbo, but I’m not sure what I’m waiting for. It feels like I can clearly see in front and behind myself. Behind me, I see this 18-year-old version of me, and at the same distance, I see myself at my first “big girl job” right ahead. I want to savor being a young adult, running around my college town, but I constantly feel the pressure to focus on professional pursuits and plan for my future.
There are, of course, more unserious elements of this in-between stage. The excitements of nights out differ from the “wherever the wind takes me” mentality of freshman and sophomore year. Like many juniors, I’m not quite 21, limiting my nights’ destinations, but I will not be revisiting the popular stops of my first two years of college. I tell myself I’m “protecting my peace” on Friday nights spent at home watching a movie, but I also wonder if I’m letting the juvenile college experiences slip away. I think I age myself with every opportunity I pass up to instead, rest, read, or catch up on work. I’m constantly conflicted because of how little time it feels I have left. I feel restricted by this in-between stage, once again.
Now what? I sit here vocalizing my internal thoughts, seeing it all laid out in front of me, and still don’t know what to make of it. I don’t think there’s an answer or remedy. I’m challenging myself to change my mindset and reminisce with appreciation rather than longing. I feel lucky to have these memories of college — the exciting, the dreadful, and everything in between—while also recognizing there are many more moments to come.
If you find yourself in a similar pattern of nostalgia and eagerness, remind yourself that there’s so much more to experience. Give yourself grace and be excited for the growth ahead of you.