We don’t talk about it: the judgmental yet silent comments about a person’s physical appearance, the requirement to rate people on a scale of one to 10 to classify “your type,” the invisible understanding that assigning other people to a number makes you feel more secure about your personality. But, of course, everyone knows how that non-existent scale can consume people and influence them to make quick, snap judgments about how her hips sway in her high-waisted denim shorts, how he flexes his biceps in a muscle tee or the way their stretch marks show on their thighs when they wear a dress. But even if everyone understands the implicit rule that this scale can destroy self-esteem, it doesn’t stop anyone from ranking anyway and casually throwing in “obviously personality matters.”
And even though I’ve never been worried if people thought that about me, I am well aware of the never-ending insecurities that my friends have about their body image and outfits. When I feel confident, I wear leggings or shorts, and I opt for sweatshirts and baggy clothes when I feel like trash. My friends and I use our appearances to publicly display our comfortability with our appearance. But the one thing that looms over our heads is what other people think of us. “Is my butt too big? Is my shirt too small? Is my makeup too thick?”
So instead of expressing ourselves in the clothing we wear the way we want to, we attempt to put on nicer clothes like leggings or jeans, just so that people don’t judge the facade we put up. We get ready to go out but get complaints for taking too long. So we wear what’s most uncomfortable for us, even on our periods, just so that one less person looks at us and goes, “why does she look like that?” Because even if we all know that there is nothing wrong with the men’s baggy sweatpants that we all want or the graphic tees that we buy in sizes way above our actual size, we try our best to please the world.
But it has nothing to do with getting a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10. It has nothing to do with getting someone else’s approval or attention. Instead, it relates to pleasing people who don’t care, hoping the world doesn’t stop and stare. Because if I please society’s standards with my leggings, then you can’t see my biggest insecurities with my body image and mental health down to the smallest insecurities of how I walk or part my hair.
Unfortunately, I’ve heard the so-called whispers plague the dining hall about why some girl isn’t eating a salad when she “clearly needs it.” And as someone who has struggled with my body image in the past, never wanting to wear shirts that show my waist or shorts that show my thighs, I know the paranoia that someone is looking at me, thinking, “she’s a six.”
People think the problem is specific to women, which isn’t true. A lot of people feel the need to go to the gym because their arms aren’t muscular enough or their body isn’t good enough to fit into certain clothes, hoping that benching 170 will send a silent message to everyone around them that there is nothing wrong with their body – despite their insecurities. Dieting and juice cleanses only add to the stereotype that certain people have to look and eat a specific way to be considered acceptable in society so that the flab doesn’t show.
A scale of 1 to 10 doesn’t help anyone. It reminds everyone that if you forget about the world’s opinions, think again: someone always has a number for you in mind. It reminds the person giving an all-mighty “five” that deep down, if I give someone else this nasty number, then people won’t see I consider myself on this scale.
Because this whole scale comes down to insecurity. The people who participate in it and the people who receive it all have self-image issues.
Despite how hard we try not to give into the system, we are guilty of attempting to be the perfect 10. We attach ourselves to a size, try to diet and lift as many pounds as possible, or walk around with leggings and crop tops.
We’re all guilty of caring. We don’t have to. On a scale of 1 to 10, I don’t know what I am. And that’s perfectly fine.