“Shoot for the stars,” they said. I remember seeing these four words on a poster in at least half of my elementary school classroom walls. As a kid, I truly believed I could be anything—an Olympian, of course; a movie star, obviously; and a chef, duh (even though I’m a terrible cook). To me, the opportunities were endless. I wanted to be everything I could dream of, which is great when you’re a kid, but it can make life a bit difficult as you get to college.
As soon as you get to college everyone wants to know “What’s your major?”, and once you get to your junior year it’s “What are you going to do after college?” Both of these questions make my stomach turn upside down. I am at the point now where I can safely answer the first question as I am beginning my junior year, but the answer to the second haunts me every day.
I have tried to join as many different clubs and organizations as I can to appeal to my interests, exposing me to different careers I might want to pursue. Yet, there are still more I want to join because that little girl who wants to do everything is still within me. She guides me through life, and I want to make her proud.
Little Ellie did everything she could to try to be someone. I can still picture the pretend classroom I had as a kid where I would work so hard to make it just like the ones at my school. It had a mailbox where I would put their papers, a mini document camera I had asked Santa for (because Santa obviously could get me a document camera), and a large whiteboard hand-built by my Grandpa. I didn’t just pretend school, I immersed myself in it, and that’s what I did with all the games I played because I wanted to experience everything. I can still remember my little self dancing along with the cast of High School Musical in front of my TV, because I wanted to be a professional dancer immersing myself in the world I saw on screen.This is a dream I still carry; while the teacher and chef may have faded, the dancer remains. It’s interesting what sticks with us and what withers away.Â
As I’ve gotten older I think I still try to immerse myself in things. I feel throughout the whole college experience I’ve tried my best to make the most out of my time through joining different dance and media clubs, meeting new people, and attending sports events. Yet, I don’t know If I’m any closer to figuring out what I want to do. I feel as though I’m constantly trying to live up to the expectations of my little self. She set the bar so high, and now when the time is here I feel this immense pressure to make her proud. She dreamt so big and large and I’m now at the point in my life where I can start to make those things happen for her. I worry that I’ll miss it when I reach for the stars, but I suppose all we can do is keep shooting for them, and one day it will all work out. For now, I am just going to keep doing my best and hope one day that little girl will do all that she ever dreamt of.Â