Sometimes the only good that comes out of an experience is the comfort of knowing you’ll never do it again. Here are a few of mine:
1. I’ll never again go on a third date with someone I didn’t like the first time around. A second chance? Sure. But if the chemistry isn’t there, I won’t try to force it. And if one more person defines a word to me unprompted, I will launch them into the sun. Who keeps telling people that defining words to women is a fun date idea?
2. I’ll never force myself to read a book I’m hating again (unless it’s out of spite). I will read a godawful book just to roast it in great detail, but not out of some completionist urge. I wouldn’t stare at a painting of a red square for an hour, so why read a pointless book?
3. I’ll never fake an orgasm again. How will they learn if they don’t know they’re doing poorly? It is very awkward to tell someone, “what you’re doing is not working for me,” but they need to know what is and isn’t working for you.
4. I’ll never let a romantic or sexual partner insult me again. I am not putting up with hearing, “You’re lucky that you’re pretty because you’re not much to talk to,” or “Is that a mole? Gross. You should get that removed,” ever again. I don’t even have plans to deliver a clever comeback. I’ll just leave.
5. And finally, I’ll never wait until the deadline to begin writing an article again. My editor actually sent me a picture of her middle finger before posting this (just kidding). From now on, I’ll start any writing project when it’s assigned and not when it’s due.