“Hi, my name is Vanessa, and I’m a recovering awkward person,” the book begins. It’s a testament to the authenticity of her advice. She wasn’t always like this, but the following pages of her book will reveal how she became a charismatic communicator. And why it’s her life’s work to get you there, no matter how awkwardly you started.
Vanessa_Van_Edwards is a master orator who dedicates her career to advising individuals on overcoming awkwardness and amplifying charisma. Her first book titled “Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People”, was first published in 2017, and quickly became a national bestseller.
Drawing from empirical evidence—backed by science—Van Edwards’ advice is more than solid, it’s data. It’s real. It’s fundamental.
So without further ado, here are three of the most memorable tips from Captivate:
1) STOP THE SMALL TALK
One of Van Edwards’ biggest tips is all about harnessing the power of questions that spark genuine curiosity. Move past the boring small talk that you hear too often “How are you?” Instead, she encourages using intriguing openers—like asking someone about a recent passion project or their dream travel spot—to flip the script on small talk, permitting people to dig into and discuss what they truly care about. By asking meaningful questions, you invite real connection rather than empty filler conversation. Not only does this promote valuable communication, but it also helps you stand out from the sea of typical “college chatter.”
2) MASTER YOUR NON-VERBAL SUPERPOWERS
If there’s one thing Van Edwards’ emphasizes, it’s that people often decide whether they like and trust you before you even speak. Your body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice do most of the talking. She dives into reading microexpressions—those flash-quick hints of emotion—and using them to understand someone’s mood or intention. Whether you’re presenting in front of your classmates or making a new friend at a sorority mixer, aligning your expressions with the vibe you want to project is a total game-changer. Practically speaking, this means keeping your arms uncrossed and free, using your hands to gesture and bring your words to life, maintaining momentary eye contact (not a stare-down!), and gentle nods that demonstrate engagement.
3) DON’T FAKE IT—BE IT
Vanessa isn’t telling anyone to be a “fake extrovert.” Instead, she underscores how important it is to embrace the person you are—social quirks and all—while also learning to navigate each social setting purposefully. In essence, use each of your unique attributes to your advantage—determine which part of your personality you want to emphasize—specific to the social setting you’re in. She suggests creating a personal “map” for networking or professional events. Before you arrive, decide on two or three people you’d love to meet or connect with and think about the shared interests you can bond over. This keeps you from wasting your time (and energy) on random conversations that go nowhere and ensures you walk away with meaningful interactions. Plus, when you lean into who you truly are—awkward phases, personal quirks, fun obsessions, and all—you’ll notice how much easier it becomes to vibe with someone genuinely, rather than forcing a persona that isn’t you.
Captivate offers a fresh perspective on everything. From nailing first impressions to building lasting connections, it carries you out of that socially awkward stage. The biggest takeaway? There’s no one-size-fits-all formula for being charismatic. Rather, it’s about tuning in to what you like, and who you are, and using that to spark memorable interactions.
Whether you’re trying to ace that next club interview or simply expand your circle of friends on campus, a few communication tweaks can transform your entire social experience. And remember: no matter where you start, you can always grow into the best, most confident version of yourself—awkward moments and all.