It’s inevitable. Human beings aren’t eternal, but I never expected it to happen so soon…Four years ago, he was diagnosed with cancer. Three years ago, he passed away. There isn’t a day that doesn’t go by when I wish it was all just a bad dream. All I have now are the memories and pictures that capture happier days.
I spent the better part of my junior year in shock, denial, and anger. How could this happen?! Why was this happening?! I didn’t understand and I refused to believe that all we could do was accept and wait. There was chemotherapy, medication, and transplants. Why couldn’t anything work? I wanted a miracle and I wanted someone to tell me that he had a chance to live. Everyday I would go to school, sit in class, and pray that I wouldn’t get that dreaded call. I never did until July 3, 2013 at 3 a.m. when my entire life changed. The hope that I had was gone.
My senior year was no easier as I gave up on school and found myself stressing as I watched my grades drop, and my life disintegrate. I isolated myself from everyone, regardless of who they were. I refused to tell anyone (out of fear and pity) what had happened and carried on like nothing had ever happened. I constantly found myself crying alone in-between classes or looking for any excuse to ditch school early, and I managed to fool everyone with ease. I couldn’t wait to graduate.
My freshman year of college wasn’t any easier. I moved to Boston believing I could forget about everything, but everyone knows that your problems follow you wherever you go. I tried to make the best of things, but I knew that I wasn’t getting any better.
I needed to make an actual effort to pick up the pieces of my life and make him proud. I picked myself off the ground and began anew. I put all my time and energy fixing my grades, health, and the relationships that mattered to me. This past year helped me rebuild. I transferred to an amazing school, earned multiple jobs and internships, and have created long lasting relationships with some of the most inspiring people. This past year I realized that I couldn’t dwell on the past I moved on with my life and for that I am grateful.
It may seem impossible, but time really does heal all wounds. There’s a huge part of my life missing and no person or thing can replace him, but I’m allowed to move on with my life. Every year, new things come into my life that remind me that life goes on and so should I. I miss you, I love you, and you will always be a part of my life Dad.