My 9 Tattoos, Ranked by Pain

I have nine tattoos, and the question I’m most frequently asked is, “Did that hurt?” Although my immediate response is something along the lines of “. . . it didn’t tickle,” I believe that the question is not as stupid as it sounds. I think the person who asks this question is trying to ask how much it hurt and what type of pain it was. Maybe something more like, “What did it feel like and to what would you compare the pain?” So I will describe, to the best of my ability, the pain types and levels of all my tattoos, ranked in order of relative pain.

1. The Ribs: I have a small tattoo on my ribs of the words “Don’t Panic,” in reference to one of my favorite book series which starts with The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. It’s hilarious; check it out. Anyway, I walked into a random tattoo parlor in New York City when I was 19 and paid the guy $120 to torture me for an unknowable amount of time. Probably fifteen minutes, maybe fifteen hours. The feeling of the needle scraping across my (at the time) very prominent ribs was hideous. The feeling of it sliding down into the divet between two ribs, stabbing the flesh in the middle with sudden force, was evil. The feeling of it pulling and grinding into tendons and bundles of nerves was maddening. The hardest part for me is never the pain itself, but the fact that I could easily stop it at any moment. It’s like exercise. The discomfort isn’t the worst part; the worst part is the internal struggle against the constant desire to quit and the knowledge that you could so easily. Unlike most tattoos, this one never numbed out at all. The linework and shading were both terrible. Pain level: 10/10
2. The Inner Arm: This one was mostly a sharp surface pain. It is also my largest piece, so sometimes a spot would heal over and then be reopened when she went back over it a little later. That was tough. It was not as bad as I worried it would be, although the linework was much more sharply painful than the shading. In fact, my arm got numb during the shading process. That was very nice. Pain level 8/10
3. The Inner Calf: This one started out tough. It felt like a razor blade cutting my skin. In fact, I would say that linework feels like a razor blade most of the time. It quickly got numb during the coloring portion. The calf is not as sensitive as the inner arm, but the part closest to the ankle was close. 7.5/10
4. The Outer Calf: These were similar to the inner one, but it hurt a bit less. The razor blade effect was a bummer, but only for a few minutes. 7/10
5. The Stomach: The stomach is pretty sensitive, so it twitched a lot. This was very annoying and made me feel a bit humiliated. Like some loser noob who can’t stop moving during tattoos. The worst part was when it went over the lower ribs, but overall an easy place. 7/10 in pain, 5/10 in weirdness
6. Behind the Ear: This one was more annoying and uncomfortable than painful. It was super weird to have someone holding your head down and running a needle over the skin behind your ear. It’s loud and I was facing the wall so I felt a bit claustrophobic. On the other hand, the whole process only lasted about five minutes. It also hurt only a little bit. The vibration was a bit weird on my skull, and the lining was, as always, a bit sharp. The shading was perfectly numb as far as pain, but the weird vibration feeling was still very distracting. 6/10 in pain, 8/10 in weirdness
7. Front of Shoulder: Again it felt like a razor blade, but it was not overwhelming. It’s just three little lines, so it was easy and quick. I didn’t have to deal with the future looming over me.  I did not have to deal with the huge knowledge that I would be in pain for hours. 6.5/10
8. Back of Shoulder: This was my first tattoo. It was so scary beforehand and once it started I was beyond relieved. It was not very painful, especially since I had a ton of adrenaline rushing through my veins. It was much easier to get through than I expected, and it gave me everything I had hoped it would. I felt more complete, because I was closer to the way I had always pictured myself. I felt proud of myself for doing the Scary Thing. And of course, I felt pretty cool because now I was one of those people who had a tattoo. 5/10 for pain, 10/10 happy I got it

If you are considering getting a tattoo, don’t let fear of the pain prevent you from doing it. Pain is fleeting, but your tattoo is for the rest of your life. If you want it, you’ll be glad you got it. They can be addictive because the pain is meditative in a weird way, and afterward it is exhilarating because it is new and pretty.

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