Growing up, I was told I was smart far too often.Â
I read way above my grade level, devouring books by the day as if they were nothing. Like many other students my age, I was in the GATE program in elementary school, took accelerated classes in middle school, and overloaded my schedule with Honors and AP classes in high school. I knew I could handle them, and excel at them even, but some part of me stuck with this regimen because I was supposed to be bright, and I was supposed to “wow” my family with stellar grades and a long list of extracurriculars.Â
My schedule was filled to the brim with what I felt like I had to do, I pushed my love of reading far away due to sheer exhaustion. While I don’t regret my choices in courseload or curriculum, I feel as though the education system as a whole pushes “advanced” kids to the breaking point in a way that does not celebrate their gifts, but rather shapes them into the ideal learner, driving away the exact aspects of the children that were at first admired.Â
Continuing further into my education, I was reading less and less. When I got home at 9:30 pm each school night, I had to go straight into homework. After exercising my brain for hours on end from school to dance classes to work to homework, I didn’t want to think critically about a book, even if it was just for pleasure. I wanted to turn my brain off and watch TV or go to sleep. This cycle is a difficult one to get out of, and I have just recently been clawing my way back to being a reader.Â
I practically always carry a book with me, no matter where I’m going or what I’m doing, and sometime around the beginning of the spring quarter, I took notice of the fact that I’d been dragging around a copy of Stephanie Land’s Maid since mid-October with almost zero progress made.Â
Even as an English and literary journalism double major with a creative writing minor here at UCI, I could not find the will to read, almost even more so due to the fact that I have so much required reading to do on a daily basis. I chose my majors and career path based almost entirely on my love of reading and writing, yet the last thing I felt myself capable of doing was reading for pleasure.Â
I reflected on my reading rut that had led me to read only a handful of books that entire year, and I wanted to make a change to rediscover my love of reading once again. I discovered that my relationship with reading, especially in college, was all or nothing. To combat this problem, I came up with two almost stupidly simple promises to myself. I started writing “read ten pages” on my to-do list every day to instill a sense of responsibility to read until it became a pleasurable habit again. I also began downloading audiobooks, for the physical copies of the books I already had, to promote a longer attention span for reading一 rather than unwinding with Orange is the New Black under the covers.Â
Within the week, my strategies proved to be quite successful, and I read two books back to back, alternating between reading, listening, and reading and listening at the same time. Working at the campus radio station, KUCI, I listened to my book while I reshelved and alphabetized CDs, thoroughly enjoying each second that ticked by as a story played in my head. Each walk to class was filled with a chapter, and I looked forward to turning pages once more, rather than being overwhelmed by the idea of beginning a book at all.Â
There is a stigma against audiobooks, like listening to a novel is not actually reading, but I would argue that it is certainly better than nothing. Plus, reading the words on a page as they are being read in my head only helps me to grasp each idea more clearly. I understand the apprehension and the exhaustion that comes with burnout and getting back into reading after such a long break and the constant pressure to eat books for breakfast, but it’s entirely possible to reach that level of love and appreciation again.
I want this confession, this letter of newfound, reborn affinity toward the craft of fiction, to inspire and reassure readers at heart to once again open up a book and fall in love with the written word.Â