My partner and I have lived together in three different cities across three different lockdowns this past year. The lockdown in Sydney was not that bad, we always had the beach to go to. The lockdown in Melbourne was a bit harder because, well, it is a city. The real test however, is the current lockdown in London.
We started living together at the beginning of the lockdown in Sydney. From my past experience, living with your partner is not all fun and games – especially when combined with a dreaded lockdown. It has been 10 months of living in lockdown and we are still together, happy and in love. Here are a few tips on how we made it work.
1. We Both Acknowledged it Would be Difficult
We have had several conversations about how to make the relationship work, considering the difficult circumstances we find ourselves in. We spoke about what we were doing right and which aspects of our relationship needed improvement. Neither of us hesitated to let the other person know what we were feeling. We communicated. Recently I found that having our meals while watching television just was not working anymore, so now we take the time away from our screens to have our meals together.
2. We Knew That We Had to Give it Our Combined 100%
This did not mean I gave my 100% and he gave his 100% all the time. Nor does it mean we gave it 50% each. There were days when he would put 80% and I would only put 20%. There were times when I had no energy or motivation. I did not cook, clean or even engage with him but he did not stop trying. There were times when my partner did not want to talk or engage with me, but I did not stop trying. We were there to help each other when it was needed. We knew there was love and we built on it.
3. We Gave Each Other Personal Space
Some days I wanted to be left alone. I did not want to speak to my partner or anyone else, and he respected that. We usually went out for walks together but if ever one of us said we were going out, the other would not ask to join unless invited. We understood the importance of ‘alone time’. We respect each other’s personal space. We knock on doors before entering, we ask permission before using each other’s electronic devices. We give each other respect.
4. We Did Not Hesitate to Take a Step Back When Required
There were days when I did not have the time or just could not be bothered to make myself look pretty. I walked around in messy hair and unshaved legs. My partner started to grow his beard and hair, looking a little rough, but that was okay. Sometimes we all need to take a step back and breathe. It takes a lot of effort to look presentable everyday so it is okay to look your worst sometimes.
5. We Never Went to Bed Angry at Each Other
It was inevitable that we had a few arguments over the months. We both said what we had to say, which was usually followed by a few minutes or sometimes hours of silence and ignoring each other until one of us made the first move. Regardless, we always made sure to talk things through and we never went to bed mad at each other.
6. We Have Date Nights
Our date nights mostly consist of the same thing; wine, cheese and a movie. Sometimes we would spice things up by having whiskey instead of wine, but that is as far as we could go. We put our phones away, we communicated and engaged with each other. We laughed and talked. We got drunk. We enjoyed each other’s company.
7. We Put in That Extra Bit of Effort
When we had a date night, we would plate our food as nicely as they would in a restaurant. We would play some nice music to set the mood. On a few occasions we even got dressed up. We are currently not able to leave our apartment but that was not going to stop us from looking pretty and having a good time.