At some point in our lives, we’re hit by the sudden desire to want to be in a relationship. To be committed to someone, to care for and feel cared for, to feel loved and to love. Of course, this is easier said than done. I’m a total sucker for love; I like to assume the best in everyone and I believe that there’s a soulmate out there for all of us. However, our yearn for companionship makes it easy for us to make awful choices in regards to the people we spend our time with. It often makes us sacrifice quality for quantity. We often get so caught up in wanting to be in a relationship or wanting to be surrounded by people that we don’t choose people who are supportive and want the best for us, rather we settle for people who put us in toxic relationships that are going nowhere.
I’ve fallen victim to this several times, not only with boys but with friends as well. I spent a good majority of my time this year longing to love and be loved. I put myself in relationships that were unequal; that forced me to disregard my own comfort and morals for the sake of someone else; that made me feel like I needed to suffer before being in a loving relationship. It forced me to cling onto these toxic relationships because I thought I needed those relationships in order to feel complete. This affected the relationships I had with “friends” too; I realized I was only hanging out with people who used me when they needed something and that they weren’t supportive of me and didn’t care about me.
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I left those relationships and cut off communication with the people who made me feel like I was nothing more than a sponge that’s there to absorb all their problems. Most people will say how liberating it feels to do this and how relieved you feel afterwards but that’s not entirely true. In fact, I was a mess after leaving some of these people. I cried, my skin broke out from stress, I couldn’t sleep and I felt completely helpless and alone. This is because, as I mentioned earlier, I thought I needed to be surrounded by people and in a relationship. Fortunately, I’ve grown a lot since then and I realized that leaving those relationships was the best thing for me because they were holding me back from being the happiest and most successful version of myself that I can be. I know now that everyone who enters my life won’t be good for me and that’s okay. I know that it may be weeks, months, or years before I find the perfect group of friends and the perfect relationship and that’s okay too because I’m more accepting of who I am now and I’m focusing on the person I’m becoming.
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So for anyone who feels as though they’re constantly getting involved with people who aren’t good for them, my advice is this: love yourself first. Cheesy, I know but it’s true; the most important relationship we’ll ever have is the relationship we have with ourselves, so make sure it’s a healthy one. Remember that it’s entirely okay to feel like a wreck, you’re feelings are valid. This situation doesn’t define who you are and the gut wrenching feelings that came out of it won’t last forever.
Whether it’s a potential boyfriend or a friend, don’t compromise your standards and don’t assume a relationship will solve all of your problems. Commit to someone when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. Take the time to get to know people and let them take time to get to know you, even if it feels like it’s taking forever.
We all deserve a love that doesn’t require suffering first. We deserve to be with people who support us. We deserve to be surrounded by people who actually care about us. We’re not in control of when and where we’ll meet the right people but it’s alright, because even if it’s a long way off, you will get what you deserve, and it’ll be worth the wait.