Dating in 2023 can be tiring and difficult. There are labeled and unlabeled relationships such as situationships, friends with benefits, sneaky links, and dating exclusively. Each one has different expectations and boundaries. For instance, if one were to participate in a situationship, they may find themselves having strong feelings for their partner but not being able to speak up about it for fear of losing the other person. Likewise, the other person can think that their partner is fine with their situationship and may not even know they’ve caught feelings. A friend with benefits can be hanging out and having sex occasionally while still being able to date other people. A sneaky link can be a sexual relationship that one keeps on the downlow with a partner that they can call up spontaneously. Lastly, there is dating exclusively. This can be when both parties are interested in each other and they’ve agreed to not date or sleep with other people. Feelings can be involved, or it can be kept primarily sexual, but usually there will be underlying feelings in a mutually agreed exclusive relationship. Let’s discuss a few things we should and shouldn’t do when participating in these relationships.
Let’s get into the do’s and don’ts.
If you find yourself involved in a situationship, the first piece of advice I can give you is to run. Situationships can lead to falling in love with your partner and unless you are ready to have the conversation about where you guys stand and express your feelings toward them, you need to be prepared to end things if the other party isn’t ready to be romantically involved with you. This specific relationship can lead to heartbreak and insecurity if you don’t address your feelings. Do, detach yourself from the relationship if you know your partner has expressed not being interested in a serious or committed relationship. Do, validate your feelings and remember that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed when unsure about the other person’s feelings. Do, be careful to not catch feelings in the beginning unless you have talked with the other person and discussed what will happen if either party comes to this. Don’t, stay in the relationship hoping the other person will change and eventually fall in love with you. Don’t give them relationship perks such as calling them everyday, texting them to inform them of your whereabouts, and emotionally investing yourself in their life. Don’t buy them gifts in hopes to try and win their love– it won’t be genuine interest in you. Don’t put your feelings on the back burner because you are afraid of losing them. Don’t pretend everything is okay if you are actually hurting from this relationship and have not built up the courage to speak about whatever it is that is bothering you about their actions.
Friends with Benefits. This may be one of the more tricky relationships if you have never experienced any other one before. It can confuse you and lead you to not know where you stand and feel incompetent. Do, discuss your boundaries with your friend and talk about your expectations regarding the relationship. If unfortunately you become involved in your F.W.B. and you do not get a chance to talk about your expectations, make sure to voice how you feel at all times and do not let things slide if you are not feeling respected. Make sure that your F.W.B. is still taking part in the friend roll and not leaving you waiting for a response or scheduled plans. Do, speak up if you find yourself becoming attached and emotionally involved with your friend because it may turn into a situationship once one of you has caught feelings. Do, always set boundaries in the relationship and make sure you are not giving more than you are receiving. Don’t, wait around the phone all day expecting them to text you. Don’t, post pictures on instagram hoping they will like it and text you. Don’t, get your hopes up on the weekends and think they will call you up wanting to hang out and have sex. Don’t, prioritize them in order to accommodate their availability to yours. If they aren’t putting the effort in to see you then reciprocate the same energy and make plans with yourself and friends so you are not at their beck and call. Do, respect yourself to walk away from the relationship if you feel your needs aren’t being met and you start to feel used.
Sneaky Links. Do, use protection at all times and speak up when you feel uncomfortable during sex. If at any time you are feeling undervalued by this relationship, immediately tell your partner and discuss what is making you feel this way. Unfortunately, sneaky links do not come with the emotional availability to discuss problems, so you may either have to end things if you are being disrespected or put your foot down and let them know whatever actions they are taking do not align with what you had planned. Sneaky links are strictly about sex. Remember this when becoming involved with someone, and make sure to discuss if they will be having multiple partners or if it will be an exclusive relationship.
This leads me to dating exclusively. Dating exclusively can mean a few things. One, it can mean that you and your partner have agreed to not have sex with other people but have mutually agreed that you will not be emotionally involved for whatever reason and you both aren’t interested in other people. Two, you both have feelings for each other and have agreed to only date each other and not see other people. And three, you have agreed to not date other people but do not want a serious relationship. You both are fine with not dating other people, but don’t want a commitment or label. Do, speak up if you have caught significant feelings and want to be serious. Do, make sure you both are on the same page about where the relationship is going. Do, be respectful of each other’s boundaries and discuss any new issues that may arise the longer you stay together. Don’t, pretend that you don’t have strong feelings for the other person if you believe their feelings aren’t the same. Don’t, disrespect yourself by staying in a relationship that is not meeting your emotional needs. Don’t, hide how you feel if your partner has hurt your feelings or is not meeting your standards.
To wrap things up, make sure that you and your partner are always on the same page. It can be hard to show your feelings when you are first beginning to talk to someone and don’t want to come across too strongly. In this case, make sure the person you are dating or being sexually active with has the same intellectual capacity to talk about simple things like “Will we be using condoms?” “Are we getting on birth control?” “Are we sleeping with other people?” “What happens if one of us catches feelings?” Being able to communicate with your partner is a key foundation to any of these relationships no matter how emotionally involved you may be. Dating can be easy if you and your partner are able to simply communicate and not waste each other’s time. Be careful out there and stay safe!