Making friends in college can be difficult, especially if you’re placed into a dorm where you and your roommate don’t automatically start braiding one another’s hair. Starting college can be even more frightening when you were one of the few people from your graduating class that made the decision to get as far away as possible from your hometown. Or at least as far as your Financial Aid Award Status allowed you to. I come from a small-ish town in Northern California that is known for growing strawberries, inventing Martinelli’s Apple Cider(oh yeah, that’s us) and weather that is constantly never nice enough to develop an even tan.
Now that you’re halfway through the semester, you should be able to see how many friends you’ve really made in college. Are most from your dorming residence? Sorority? How about people from your high school? No matter which situation applies to you, you can never have too many friends, especially when about 70% of the people you talk to freshmen year you won’t bother to make eye contact with your sophomore year.(I speak the truth!) For this article I chose to interview a friend of mine whose friend list is as big and diverse as UCR’s accepted applicants list. He’s an old friend from high school (one of the two people I still speak to from high school to be exact), is involved in various ways at UC San Diego and is an all around awesome person. Probably why he’s managed to make so many friends, definitely more than me! (What can I say, Tumblr is my social life).
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1. Why did you choose to move so far for school?
I decided to go far away for school because I needed a change of scenery. I come from a small, agricultural town where everyone knows everyone else’s business. It was really annoying knowing that if I did something one day, the next day everyone would know about it. I needed to get away from that and people who do that. Being in this small town also meant that I saw the same people everywhere I went. Watsonville has only one large store, Target. A trip to Target means a Class of 2010 reunion. I worked too hard in high school to spend more time in my hometown, or anywhere near it. I knew I had to get away and I saw San Diego as the place for me to go to.
2. How did you make friends within your hall?
I did make friends in my hall, but it took me a long time to do so. My hometown is made up of a large Mexican/Latino population. UCSD is not. It was hard for me to adjust to this culture shock.One day though, I decided to go outside of my comfort zone and actually talk to them. Before I knew it, they introduced me to new music, movies, books, point of views, and above all, new foods. I became really close to some of my suitemates because we actually had a lot in common and they helped me grow as an individual. They opened my mind to new things, and I love that. One of my best friends is actually my suitemate from freshmen year.
3. How do you manage to balance your schoolwork and social life?
I am a strong believer in work now play later. School work always comes first to me, unless a friend needs help. I always set aside a minimum of three to four hours a day to study and do homework that way I know I can get things done. Sometimes it is hard, but I know I have to do it since my major is no joke. Now that I am a third year, most of my friends live off campus while I live on campus, making it that much more difficult. Every now and then though, I do escape my floor and hang out with them, but it is rare. Time management is crucial, otherwise you will fail yourself, school, and your friends.
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4. How do you suggest freshmen spend their time getting to know their new college friends?
Stay up all night talking to them. Yes, it may sound crazy at first, but the best conversations happen at night. That is because at night there are less distractions and you are actually able to pay attention to everything the other person is saying. Not only that, but people tend to get weirder at night. Anyone who can deal with your weird night self, is someone who you have to keep by your side. You need to put yourself out there, go outside your comfort zone, talk to people you never would otherwise. College is the time to explore new interests, and friends are part of that exploration process.
5. What’s a few things to not do when first meeting someone?
My best friend from college actually farted in front of me the first time we met! I thought he was the weirdest person ever because of that! But I mean we are best friends now, so I guess it worked out.Anyway! Don’t tell them your life story right off the bat. They just met you so just give them the basics, otherwise you will scare them away. Name, major, hometown, hobbies, and any other cool little facts. Please refrain from telling people your political or religious views from the beginning as well. Some people take this very seriously and once they know where you stand, they will not talk to you again. Just like that, you lost yourself a potential good friendship. Be really careful of what you say.
6. Are organizations a good way to make friends? What about other school sponsored events?
Organization are a great way to make friends. Not only is it good to make friends outside of your suite so you won’t get sick and tired of them so fast, but meeting people in orgs that you are a part of is the best. If they are in the same club as you, they already have something in common with you. I have also made a lot of friends in other ways though. I have made quite a few friends at campus dances because we just danced the entire night together and they wanted to hang out outside of the dance floor. Whenever you attend an event or org, you need to walk in with an open mind and you will easily make friends. People are just as nervous as you are, so just smile and be you.
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7. Since many of your high school friends are so far away, how do you keep in contact with them?
Now that I am 8 hours away from home, I have lost many of my friends from high school. That is something you need to accept. You grow, they grow, everyone grows. This growth may bring you closer, or it may cause you to drift from each other. That’s life. As for the friends back home that I do have left, I don’t talk to them that often. I do see updates on how they are doing through Twitter and Facebook, but actual conversations hardly ever happen. I am ok with that because I understand that we are all busy.
8. Are there certain parts of your life you keep separated, if so, why?
Whenever I am back home, I am a party animal. I only drink at home because I feel more comfortable drinking with my friends and partying with them. I experienced some crazy things at parties my first year here at San Diego and ever since then, drinking here is not very appealing. I do have two different twitter accounts; one for home and the other for San Diego. The one for back home is the one I use the most and I use it to vent about college and life in general, while the one for San Diego is more of a funny and random one. I have them seperated because there are only a few amount of people that I can fully trust here.
9. When you do go home for break, how do you reconnect with old friends?
All I have to do is send them a text saying, “I’m back!!!” and things go back to the way they used to be. We go out to eat, party, workout, etc. Sometimes it feels as though I never left. I know that it can be hard since sometimes I’m gone for three to six months, but once I am back, I know that they still love me and appreciate my friendship. Sometimes, it does get hectic having to see so many people in one or two weeks. When I was gone for my first year, I would text all my friends that I was back and set-up little lunch dates here and there. Now I have gotten to the point in my life in which I put myself first, so I only go out to eat or hang out with those who I know truly care about me and actually meet me halfway.
10. Are there any pieces of advice you have for students who go to school where they know no one?
Keep an open mind! I know its hard, but try hard not to judge people when you first meet them. Every person you meet, whether you like them or not, has something to teach you. They will show you what you want to be or not be They will show you how to view things from different angles. It will be difficult to put yourself out there when you arrive to college where you don’t know a single person, but you have to be yourself and go out. Nothing in college comes to you. You need to fight/work for what you want, and friends are no exception. Join orgs, intramurals, student government, dance club, or any other activity that you like. Not only will you meet great people, but it will also keep you sane because you are doing things that you like. Always stay positive and do not be afraid to sit next to someone new in class, they might be able to teach you a thing or two about your class.