My first memory with acne dates back to when I first started breaking out, the summer before 8th grade. It started off with noticing a few small bumps on my forehead and initially I thought nothing of it. Acne was not an uncommon thing in middle school, but as soon as mine became cystic and inflamed, it was harder to ignore. It was at this moment when everyone around me started giving me their unsolicited advice, which never helped anyway. I never really thought anything of acne before. I remember my older cousins always complaining but I still thought they looked beautiful. But that’s what insecurity does to you, doesn’t it? It tears down your perception of reality and creates something completely different and most times, more insane.
My second memory with acne starts with my forehead acne clearing up. After 2 years and an ungodly amount of salicylic acid, war was finally over. Maybe it was my own fault for being so naive, because this was just the beginning of a troublesome journey. Acne spots began to show up on the rest of my face and before you know it, my face was filled with painful pimples and dark scars.
When it comes to acne solutions, I think I may have tried them all. I hopped from one dermatologist to another, tried all the expensive skincare, at home remedies, and got so down bad that I even had a Curology subscription. The most frustrating part of this journey was that I took care of myself regularly; I washed my face every morning and night, applied my sunscreen, and never picked at my face. I was the poster child for what every dermatologist and esthetician looks for in a patient, but my skin did not reflect that. Everywhere I went, it was always “do you drink enough water and wash your face?” No one bothered to sit down with me and truly figure out the triggers: just 10 minute checkups and random prescriptions (which did not work, by the way). I gave up at this point, because after doing everything I was “supposed” to do, my skin had only gotten worse. I began to avoid mirrors so I couldn’t see how my skin looked, do my skincare in the dark because it didn’t look as bad, wear hoodies at school so that my face was covered at all times. I was the most insecure person and I was only sixteen. I even remember a friend telling me, “Your forehead cleared up and now the only thing left is the rest of your face!” I don’t know if that was meant to be a compliment but it definitely a punch to the gut. At this age, girls begin to get into practicing makeup, while I wasn’t allowed to for fear of my skin having a bad reaction.
It was until the pandemic when I met Dani, aka @daniglamiskin on Instagram, when I started to see real progress. The thing I loved about my experience with her was that she never gave up on me and continued to look for affordable and better solutions. It took 2 years to see progress, but it was her confidence that made me confident. She was the first to take the time to sit down with me and go over every detail of my daily routine to possibly spot any triggers. She made time in her busy schedule to fit me and text me to check on how my skin is doing. I have never met anyone in this line of work that cares so much for their patients and it is because of her that I had not only gained hope, but the results that I so desperately dreamed for.
People have their stories about acne insecurities, but they don’t tell you how it takes over your life. The truth is that I felt ugly, and I know “acne doesn’t make you ugly,” but god it was hard not to cry looking in the mirror everyday and comparing yourself to other girls. It became my biggest insecurity over the years and it completely consumed me. Even when I felt the slightest bit of confidence, it was overridden by “but if my face was clear, I would be so much prettier.” I have lived off this thought for years and getting rid of that toxic mindset was harder than getting rid of the acne itself. When my acne subsided, I believed my insecurity would too. Instead, I became hyper aware of every other aspect of my body. A common misconception people seem to have is that if you find a solution to your insecurities, that they will go away, when actually it’s quite the opposite. If you are already an insecure person, your mind will have no problem finding the next thing to fixate on. It all comes back to you and your mindset. I write this as a tip to you all: do not let your insecurities dictate who you are. You are much more than your mind lets you to believe.
NOTE: This is a special shoutout to @daniglamiskin. Words can’t describe how she has changed my life and I truly don’t know where I would be without her. If you are in or near the Inland Empire and struggle with acne, I would highly recommend checking out her instagram and the services she offers! She will not disappoint, you have my word.