Early elementary school me wanted to be popular. Not only was I the teacher’s pet, I was accepted into the inner circle of the popular group, yet I remained the nice girl within the group who also befriended the new kids. At first, being popular was great, but over time, I realized that the “cool kids” were not actually cool. They were just mean. At school, they seemed nice, but when they came over to each others’ houses, all the talk was gossip. I could not bear this environment and even though I knew I would be the next victim of their gossip if I left, I decided to stop hanging out with the popular kids in third grade. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, but also one of the best decisions.
From my experience as an outcast, I warn that people might be mean to you. I remember rumors spread about me in middle school to the point where even the admin believed them. Due to the content of the rumors, I got suspended. One girl wrote my name on the bathroom wall. Another crossed my face out of a group picture and had the audacity to show it to me. Every night I cried myself to sleep, not wanting to face the reality of school. I had to drag myself out of bed and face my fears. Despite the pain, I was not going to let some popular kids dictate my life.
Not succumbing to peer pressure was the right decision because I was able to focus on myself. I found my love for writing poems and expressed my creativity through creating digital collages. I became more in touch with my emotions and started healing from my past. Most importantly, I gained a stronger sense of self. As an outcast, I also spent a lot of time observing others, and better understood how people interacted with each other. From watching people’s interactions, I think I improved at reading their emotions and developed a greater sense of compassion for those who had been hurt by others.
College is a new beginning for most people: a new city, new people, new experiences. It is a time of finding yourself and living on your own. Being an outcast prepared me for college. It helped me know how to relate with those who are struggling socially and be myself regardless of what others think. I have joined all the activities I have wanted to and explored my career options, not letting anyone hold me back from doing so. I know I am still not “cool” by society’s standards and I am okay with that. I am just going to live my life and see what happens.