Having imposter syndrome is arguably one of the biggest problems I have when it comes to being productive; but it didn’t really hit me until this quarter, during my second week in an honors research course. My professor went around (virtually) and asked me and my peers how we were doing. While he asked the STEM students how their coursework was going, he turned over to me (the only English major in the class) and opted to ask what my favorite author was.
This may be odd, and I recognize this professor meant well in trying to find common ground in what I was interested in to build that bridge, however that moment violently humbled my way of learning that my university’s honors program was so STEM-dominated to the extent that I felt like I had just joined the wrong class.
Imposter syndrome can impact people in a variety of ways, and is classified by five different types. Upon reading all of them, my thought process aligns with four of them: the perfectionist, the soloist, the expert, and the superhero. The perfectionist is self explanatory in a way that I feel the need to be perfect in almost everything to contribute to others. The soloist alludes to my stubbornness and my need to be independent to show that I have some kind of worth and do not need to rely on others. The expert pertains to my need to know as much as I can about a certain subject to the extent that I get sidetracked from the main point. Finally, the superhero just explains how I overwork myself to the point where I don’t get enough sleep.
The solution to navigating imposter syndrome is never the same considering people find different methods to be helpful. For me, I am currently reworking my mindset to feel at ease. I started talking to my peer mentor to voice my concerns about where I’m at, and she reassured me that I’m not the only one who experiences this dilemma. It was also helpful to hear that some of my other professors and classmates experience a form of imposter syndrome, and as a result have an extensive conversation about their own experiences in academia to support each other.
Something to note is that imposter syndrome can be experienced by many, and talking about it will normalize it as something many feel at some point in their lives. Ultimately, I hope to acknowledge these feelings and find a way to grow with them. Right now I just hold onto the idea that I am where I am for a reason, and that I know I will do just as well as my peers in the end.