Ever hung out with a guy friend and people just assume something may happen between you two? Or maybe you were even hopeful that eventually there would be a spark? Or maybe you have that one guy friend, who is just your good friend, and whom you would never even consider going out with? Same.
In my CMN 120: Interpersonal Communication class with Professor Hamilton here at UC Davis, we were discussing Cross-Sex Friendships. In short, a friendship with the sex you are attracted you is fun and exciting, and very much rewarding. For example, ever ranted to a guy friend about girl drama? I have.
However, they can often be confusing and ambiguous, making them a bit of a challenge.
Why?
There are three main reasons according to my Professor:
1. The Emotional Bond Challenge
Sometimes, there will be moments when you suddenly realize that there could be potential to be romantic partners with your friend.
2. The Sexual Challenge
This is coping with the potential sexual attraction that can occur, though typically this is more of an issue for men than womxn.
3. The Public Presentation Challenge
When the public, AKA your family and friends, who constantly think there is something going on between you. This is also applicable to friendships of the same-sex friendships with different sexual orientations because people will assume you may be a gay couple.
So, what, can I JUST be friends with my guy friend?
Yes! It is very possible, and even perhaps encouraged. As I mentioned before, there are plenty of benefits, I just wanted to let you know some of the difficulties there could be. As for the positive, a best guy friend is amazing because: they have your back, there is less drama, they keep your secrets, they are more forgiving, and they are great listeners.
The reason why I bring this up now is I actually recently became really good friends with a guy, and somewhere deep down, I began to think about a possible relationship with him. I quickly snapped out it though, because I truly see him as just a friend and nothing more. Plus, if anything, I would fear the possibility of ever ruining the friendship we have. Not to mention, the idea of it being anything more really went away when he revealed to me that he had decided to ask a friend of his out and that they were now dating.
Overall, I was and am very happy for him, since this is a girl he has known since high school. And who knows, maybe we are just destined to be friends, and honestly, I would rather be his friend than to ever even have a chance of jeopardizing that.
Though, my next worry is his girlfriend.
Why? Well, the other day he invited me to sit with him during lunch, little did I know that when I got to the table, she was also there. Now, is there anything worse than being a third wheel? Especially with your close friend’s girlfriend you are literally just meeting. Yeah…
Now, I am actually a very social person, so of course, I attempted to do small talk, but that really did not take off. For the most part, this lunch was my guy friend and me just talking, which in turn made me feel bad for his girlfriend. To avoid the awkwardness from growing, I quickly made an excuse that I needed to leave for office hours. And so, I left.
I really think his girlfriend is sweet and really nice, but I have a fear that she may not like me, due to the amount of time him and I talk to one another, and the lack of conversation her and I have had. Maybe I am just paranoid. Though, I will definitely try to get to know her, because I would love to be her friend. Maybe not as close as I am with her boyfriend, but it can’t hurt to try.
Overall, I think I want to make sure to let her know that she does not have to worry and know that my guy friend (her boyfriend) and I can really JUST be friends.