Collegiette Code: Partying Too Hard in College

Dear Collegeitte Code, 

My sister and I are very close, and because of that she tells me everything that happens in her life. She’s also in college and lately she’s been doing things that she’s never been interested in before, like taking drugs and other illegal, unsafe things. I’m really worried about her and want to tell my parents because I don’t know how to help her, but I don’t want to betray her trust or get her in trouble. I know college is a time for experimenting, but how do you know when that goes too far? -Anxious Sister

Dear Anxious Sister,

 College is the time for experimenting, but if you feel that this is out of character and getting out of hand for your sister, talk to her. Ask her what is going on in her life, what she’s up to, and how she feels. Try to understand her side before you talk to your parents about this. Your parents are more likely to assume the worst. Also, it is really your sister’s responsibility to tell your parents, not yours. Unless your sister is using drugs as a crutch for her emotional and mental health, you should just be there for her. It’ll be hard to sit by and watch her make choices you might not agree with, but she’s also growing up and learning how to find her place in this world.

-Wendy

Dear Anxious Sister,

I know how tough it is to be in that position, but you have to take a breath and think it through. First, talk to your sister about your concerns and try to see if there’s a deeper problem. If she’s just trying to have fun, let her in on your perspective. This may make her think about whether she’s taking things too far. If it seems like there are underlying issues, tell her how worried you are, and suggest that she go talk to a school therapist (she won’t get in trouble from the university for admitting to taking drugs and such to a counselor). If all else fails, let her know that you don’t have the capacity to handle this and you feel that you have to tell your parents. A trustful bond with your sister is extremely important, but your sister’s wellbeing ranks above that. 

-Honey

Dear Anxious Sister, 

My sister and I are very close too, so I totally understand what you’re going through. This year, I left for college, but we have stayed close. I’m sure that if I started taking drugs and putting myself in dangerous situations, she would be just as worried about me as you are worried about your sister. It sounds like your sister could be going down a dangerous path, but I’m not sure that telling your parents immediately would be the right thing to do. Instead of telling them, I would talk to her first and voice your concerns. Then, if that doesn’t change anything, that’s when you need to get your parents involved. Good luck!

-Lauren

Dear Anxious Sister,

I think you should try talking to your sister about her new interests first. If your talk fails and you feel you can’t help her, then you should talk to your parents because you want to do what’s best for your sister.

-Hannah

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