Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life

There are times when we all procrastinate, avoid facing our problems head-on, or otherwise perform some sort of self-sabotage. But if you find this happening in your life more often than not, you might have a tendency towards something called avoidance coping. In psychology, this is defined as a coping style that involves avoiding issues or situations that are causing you stress. It’s the opposite of active coping, in which stress is reduced by directly dealing with the problem at hand. 

Avoidance coping is not always unhealthy. In some cases, it’s recommended that you take some time for stress relief activities that distract you and provide relaxation. It only becomes risky when avoiding simply creates more stress for you in the long run. Deciding to not think about a problem may offer immediate peace of mind, but eventually, you have to face the problem again. And if we’re being honest with ourselves, most of the time we don’t even fully forget about what we should be doing until it gets done anyway. Prolonging the process doesn’t do us any favors in the end, it just leaves us with less time to work on important things, and this often translates to not doing a very good job. It’s a terrible cycle. Being avoidant creates more anxiety, keeps you from solving problems, and allows them to become worse, which can also start to wear on your relationships. The reason you behave this way can be different than the reason someone else does, but it all comes down to the same explanation – avoidance coping allows you to ignore anxiety-inducing thoughts. 

Thankfully, there are ways that you can help yourself get out of your head and into your life. To stop avoidance coping, you must first understand what it is and why you do it. This will take some deep self-reflection on your part. Take some time to think about what kinds of situations prompt you to cope in this way, make a mental note of them, and try to catch yourself the next time you’re being avoidant. When you’re facing a stressful situation, or preparing to, focus on the next small step you need to take rather than thinking about all the different things you need to do to get through it. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. The more you practice this, the more you’ll realize that it’s possible to get through discomfort and still accomplish what you set out to do. In general, try to replace avoidance coping with active coping strategies. 

There are many books and online resources that can also help you overcome the habit of avoidance coping. It’s a fairly popular topic in psychology, so at least you can feel good in the sense that you are not alone in this. My recommendations are Dr. Alice Boyes’ worksheets and book. With a little bit of self-development, you can save yourself from yourself, and while you’re at it, you can gain confidence by learning how to handle stressful scenarios. Problems will always be a part of our lives; the sooner we can learn to stop resisting them and instead actively deal with them, the more likely we’ll be to have the meaningful and fulfilling life we all strive for.

• avoidance
• coping
• healthy
• psychology
• strategies