I hate being the youngest child of my family.
Don’t get me wrong, being the youngest of the family definitely had its benefits, but looking back, it substantially affected my personal growth.
I grew up in the shadow of my older brother, constantly being told to be like him. I walked around the halls of my high school being referred to as “Moises’ little sister.” My brother got the luxury of creating his own path in life, learning by trial and error, and developing his own identity. As the golden child of the family, my brother could do no wrong in the eyes of my parents. My brother was completely unaware of how his decisions and actions directly affected me growing up and ultimately created my identity problems.
Growing up the youngest child, I never got the opportunity to make a decision for myself. Everything was always decided for me by my parents or unconsciously by my brother’s actions. I played the same sports as my brother, took the same classes as him, and lived off of his hand-me-downs. I was in constant competition with my brother all throughout my childhood but he was completely unaware. I had to live up to the expectations set by him and if I really wanted to prove myself to my parents, I had to surpass them. I consistently surpassed these expectations, but at what cost? I realized I had no idea who I was.
It wasn’t until college when I moved away from my family that I noticed the impact of growing up as the youngest child. Attending a different college from my brother, I realized I was in uncharted territory. I was no longer “Moises’ little sister.” For the first time in my life, I needed to make my own decisions and be my own person. However, this proved to be difficult.
With no sense of identity, I had low self-esteem, and little self confidence. I struggled to figure out what I was passionate about, what my purpose was in the world, and what I wanted my future to look like. Previously, I always knew what my future was because I simply had to follow my brother’s path. While navigating through adulthood, I’ve had to retrain my toxic mindset. For so long my self-worth was dependent on others and external factors. Although I’ve definitely made some progress, I’m still struggling to find out who I am as a person, what I think is important, and what I value.
Attending UC Davis has given me an environment that has allowed me to spend time away from my older brother. I eventually rediscovered my identity. With more independence, I spent a lot of time alone. Journaling provided an outlet to reflect on my thoughts and get to know myself better. I also joined extracurriculars that have helped me identify my interests and I have surrounded myself with supportive and inspiring friends that constantly push me to pursue my dreams and passions. Most importantly, I repaired and strengthened my relationship with my brother. My brother became my biggest supporter rather than my biggest competitor. Like any other young adult, I am still a little lost on how I want my future to look like, but I now have the confidence to pursue my own path in life rather than following my brother’s.