Ah, the leaves are turning brown. The weather is cooling down. The campus is bustling with pedestrians, bikes, and tiny scooters again. Do you know what that means? Rejection season is upon us.
Maybe you want to be cuffed or get into a club. It doesn’t matter what your aspirations are for fall, we’re all bound to face some sort of rejection this quarter — socially, professionally, academically and of course, romantically.
After reflecting on some of my people-pleasing and fear-of-rejection tendencies this summer, I feel inclined to share some expensive realizations I’ve made with my therapist to help us all get through this rejection season.
Before we even talk about getting rejections, let’s be honest — not even giving it a shot is the worst form of rejection. We’ve all been there whether it’s looking at a job you’re unqualified for or saying “they’re out of my league.” You sell yourself short for what? You’ll sit there with regrets and what-ifs.
Let’s say you’re a freshman right now, and you’re looking to make friends. You’re too scared to ask to sit with someone at the dining commons, so you sit alone. Why don’t you ask to eat with someone? What’s the worst-case scenario? They don’t want you to sit with them. Well okay, you were going to sit alone anyway. At least you asked, but what if they love that one conversation you had, and you find out they live on your floor in dorms?
That’s exactly what happened to me freshman year. I went around for five weeks without any close connections, asking different people if I could eat with them for every meal. Through this, I met my friends and now housemates. You’ll never know if you don’t try, so try.
If you do get a “no” or a rude rejection, first let your ego take the hit. You will feel so many emotions, but don’t suppress or internalize them. Feel it, and let’s rationalize. They didn’t want to be your friend, but you don’t want friends that became friends with you out of pity, do you? They’ve had one conversation with you, and they don’t really know you. They’ve judged you on a brief interaction, so please don’t take this personally. The same goes for jobs, clubs, and romantic interests.
Oftentimes, the rejection isn’t the worst part. It’s when you see the results of others and think that you’re behind or lacking in some way. The best advice that I’ve heard is to not compare yourself to others.
Yes, that is a cheesy thing to say, but it rings true for those of us that aren’t given certain privileges. Many of us will experience some form of rejection and have an inkling that it’s somehow related to something discriminatory — whether it’s sexism, racism, ageism, colorism, or ableist mentalities. We will be at a disadvantage, so we cannot compare ourselves to our peers who have more privilege than us. That being said, it is important to recognize our own privileges. So when we do get into positions where we’re choosing job candidates or members for our club, we should be thinking about people who have given us a chance, examining what discrimination we may have internalized, and giving those opportunities to applicants that may be overlooked.
Also, rejections do get easier. Every day, I open my inbox to a new internship rejection letter and update my increasing database of companies that don’t want me. Did it hurt at first? Yes. Does it still hurt now? Yes, but you begin to break away from the fear of rejection.
I’ve also stopped valuing my worth on how I compare externally with others. My measure of achievement is based on if I’ve grown, done something good for myself, or faced a fear. Everyone probably has and will face rejection in all the areas that I listed earlier. I’m going to choose to save face and not share some of those stories, but I promise rejection is good if you let it be.
Don’t mope around for too long, or you’ll miss the thing that was right for you. Do the work, and I believe that you’ll get to where you want to be. It might not be the timeline you’ve planned for yourself, but you have time. If you embrace it, you’ll realize that rejection isn’t as scary as we’ve made it out to be. Good luck out there, and take care of yourself. Rejections can still be brutal, but we learn from them and move on.