The title says it all: I’ve never been in a relationship, but I know how to date. I’m twenty-two years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend, been on a first date, or properly been asked out (a drunk ask with no follow-up does not count). This doesn’t mean I haven’t had my fair share of experiences, some of those being quite *entertaining.* But, I am leaning towards the smaller side of the spectrum that can’t say they’ve ever had a significant other or some type of commitment within their lifetime.
There’s no nice way to put it. It just sucks… and I know it’s not me. I am a whole, healed, and confident person. I’m not afraid to embarrass myself, know how to have a good time, and am a fantastic friend and sister. I’m the first one to tell you you’ve got to change your top, and the last one to say no when trying something new. Needless to say, I’m a catch. I’d date me.
I’ve tried to adjust my body language and mindset. I’ve ridden the fine line between “it’s gonna come when you least expect it” and “try and put yourself out there more.” I cringe when I think about the fact that these thoughts have gone through my mind and how much space this topic has occupied in my head. It should not be that deep, but somehow for me, it is.
I’ve had fun with what I’ve been doing the past four years and don’t regret any minute of it. The hilarious nights with friends I would never take back. But, there is a different type of loneliness when you are whole individually, yet there is no one to share your life with. I want someone to know that Brooklyn (as funny as this is) has taught me that it’s OK to have a drunken, public makeout. She also knows how to command the fuck out of a room. Lily has shown me that talking about your emotions can be like wringing out a rag; you’ve got to get every last drop out. Hannah has proved to me that at the end of the day, it only matters what you and the people you care about think (it also helps to imagine that other people are only talking about you because they’re jealous). I want to tell that person in my life what my friends have taught me and how these parts of them have made me, me.
The whole point of this is that I didn’t learn the ins and outs of Brooklyn, Lily, and Hannah because it was easy. When people say “marriage takes work,” it also aligns with the upkeep of friendship too. It’s something that no one teaches you about but is so necessary. I can’t be resentful towards Lily when she’s the only one I feel comfortable talking to about x, y, and z. Friendship is learning to “leave it at the door,” while also having the capability to work through issues. Life gets more complicated as we get older, so having those awkward conversations is needed for a friendship’s longevity.
So, the next time I hear a horror story about how some guy has never dated by the age of twenty-six, and girls are saying “that’s a red flag” (while it might be), I’ll disagree. Because I have dated seven girls for the past four years and they’re still with me. I can tell you about how I know Autumn’s drunk when she starts playing Latin music, Mikayla gets bored and always wants to “play,” Sara needs her alone time, and Connie leaves, but will always come back (like a boomerang). I’ve stood the test of time across boyfriends, family issues, and mental health struggles. I’ve learned everything I need to know about being in a relationship from these women. The only issue is that if you date me, you’re dating all of them.