Let’s Talk about SEX

Sex and college go hand-in-hand. Whether you’re having it or not, it’s guaranteed the deed is being done in your neighbor’s bed, discussed hourly at every frat house, and taught during UC Davis’ favorite GE, Human Sexuality.  Our parents’ sex talks failed to prepare us for this world, where learning how to hump is just as relevant as what is in our math books (unless the problems include subtracting clothes and adding a bed). Her Campus at UC Davis has compiled our very own list of everything our mother’s forgot to discuss during those “birds & the bees” talks. Whether this is more relevant to the new freshman on the sexually-active block, or a quickie refresher for the experienced college woman, each collegiette™ will have to decide herself.

• Sex is normal and healthy. It’s not the Big Bad Wolf, or the Elephant in the Room. In fact, if any animal is to be used for analogy, it’ll pertain to YOU: the tiger in bed or possibly the cougar at the dorms. Growing up, sex talks often elicited the awkward “birds & the bees” theory from parents, but growing into ourselves we learn that sex is just that: sex. What you choose to do with it forms it’s definition: the girl who spoils herself with a new sexual conquest each weekend will see it differently than the girl saving her g-spot exclusively for her significant other. [pagebreak]

• Sex is not something you owe someone. Ever. As collegiettes™ pressured by media, stereotypes, and peers, our true desires can become fuzzy and we can lose perspective. When a collegiette™ decides to have sex, it should be the desirable and honest choice. Collegiettes™, you know what I’m talking about if you’ve ever experienced such a feeling: your toes curl just at the thought of reaching your O with him, you may feel a slight chill, and you definitely get a head rush from the thought of skin-on-skin contact. If you do not feel this with your boyfriend, but still feel obligated to fornicate, don’t! Pleasure should never be a duty; it should be satisfaction for both parties. If your cocktail or formal date expects a reward at the end of the night, tell him you’ll tap into his sweet spot with home-made cookies instead.  And during a random hookup, if a guy dares to call you a “prude” because you won’t do him –collegiettes™, you know boys try to use this all too often— know that your body is worth more than the humping bunny image the slob is picturing.   

• Respect your body. A collegiette™ wouldn’t swim with the Amazon’s piranhas after one snorkeling lesson; similarly, before a collegiette™ goes casual with the male “piranha” (warning: not a term to be used in bed), she must take the time to learn her body. Once a collegiette™ loves every curve and crease of herself, she can form expectations to how she wants those curves to be treated. There’s not much more to it: respect your body.

• Prepare yourself. Not with lotions and lingerie – I’m talking about condoms and contraceptives. Sex is a sport unto itself: Each sexual conquest requires a warm-up and cool-down. Soccer players precede each match with stretching and sprints, and end with more stretching and a jog around the field.  If you feel the need to stretch and run to warm up for a sexual encounter, don’t let me stop you. But, by prep work, I really mean getting tested, taking birth control, and using protection. Collegiettes™ should never feel intimidated or worried about sex –and of course no form of birth control is 100% guaranteed—but by initiating these three things into your sex life, you have less to worry about. The UCD Health Center sports a Women’s Health Clinic (notice the Women in the title denoting its exclusivity to females, eliminating any chance of running into your sexual counterpart). There, every collegiette™ can have pelvic exams and get tested for STDs. Stay current with appointments and understand your contraceptives. After all, who knows when the urge will strike? And when you’re getting your world rocked, you really won’t want to be worrying about STDs.

• What’s age got to do with it? Waiting until a certain age to have sex does not guarantee shameless, no-regret sexual decision-making. Of course everyone finds the 12-year-old sex addict on Maury a bit disturbing, but I’m not talking about her. I’m talking about the difference between losing your virginity in your late teens versus your twenties versus when you’re married in your thirties. As long as it feels right to you, age is irrelevant. Every collegiette™ should understand the importance of the deed, but don’t build yourself a timeline. If I should have a boyfriend now or at 28 and, if I love him, the sex will be equally momentous; likewise, if I should hook up with a random now or at 28, the sex will be just as significant in that situation too.   

• Keep everything in perspective. The cool frat guy won‘t be the cool frat guy post-grad, and the football star won’t be the football star in five to ten years. Raise your hand if you know the girl who’s slept with Davis’ famous heartthrob, worthy of Campus Cutie recognition, solely to brag post-bang sesh. Ok, now put your hand down, Collegiette –you’re in public! Why did she do it? Because, she wants the recognition from her peers and that, collegiettes™ exudes low self-esteem. For her sake, we hope he rocked her world like we picture Ryan Reynolds could. I view sex as a self-gratifying act: do it to satisfy you, not to create yourself.

• Have FUN with it. From various sex advice websites to Sac’s kinky toyshops, there are ideas everywhere on how to keep your sexcapades interesting. Missionary is vanilla: a classic, but also a bit of a yawn. If you feel comfortable switching things up, flip through Cosmo to bring some spice into the bedroom or attend one of Sex, Lust, Untamed’s meetings at UCD to keep it sassy. After educating yourself, put your new knowledge to work and, collegiettes™,your man will be begging for more..