College is a monumental event and occasion that happens in young people’s lives. With starting college comes new adventures, new people, and discovering who you truly are in this world. But another thing is that it’s scary. College is something you’ve never done before, but you learn as you go. When does loneliness hit? When does it feel like you have different paths you can take but can’t seem to move from that point? For me it’s happening right now. My whole life I have always been okay with being alone because I chose to do things by myself. I put myself in a position where I was okay and knew that I was going to do something alone. Something that I knew about myself was that I was comfortable choosing and being alone.
Since I got to college and started my second year here, I realized that I was never comfortable with feeling lonely. Being alone and feeling alone are two different things and the feeling of loneliness kind of hits you out of nowhere. This past year I have been living alone, not by choice but because my roommate decided that she would never be at the apartment. For the first few months of fall quarter I was upset, but I got used to the feeling of being alone and brushed it off. As my second year is dwindling down, I can confidently say that I have hated my second year. There are moments in college we can collectively agree upon, and that is understanding the feeling of loneliness. It’s hard to know that you can do so many things in college and no one is going to tell you to not do those things, but it’s harder to start those things when you feel like the worst version of yourself and you don’t want others to see it.
Although it is never too late to introduce yourself to new people or put yourself out there, it is scary not knowing if it’s going to be reciprocated in a way to form a new friendship or if it’s just people being nice. College can feel like this because you are never truly alone but at the same time you feel like you are. No room that you enter in college will be empty, it always has someone in it, but that feeling you just can’t shake. It goes back to how different being alone and feeling lonely can go hand in hand but are two very different things. I wish I had some things that can cheer me up when I feel like this. I have a few hobbies and although I don’t think I can pull through on those at this moment, I most definitely should try. Overall, college is a place to grow. The journey will never just be positive, there will be bumps along the ride but the grass is greener on the other side because there are still years left in life to continue to explore and strive towards.