There have been movies made, ads published, songs written, poems recited, and it has been famously quoted. “Long distance”: the two words that either break, or really make a relationship. The hardships and all of the small, yet powerful moments shared with a loved one keep the myth that, “long distance never works” unproven.
In contrast to many beliefs, being in a long distance relationship can actually help, and serve as a huge benefit to some couples. Couples, who in many cases grow into one “persona”, learn instead to be independent and become his or her own person. The people you meet are your own and the world you create around yourself is yours. Your focus is more on yourself and your development, either in terms of your personal life or your academic life. The focus you are able to place on your academics is much more clear, concise, and possible.Â
Undeniably, the moments you do get to spend with each other become some of the most cherishable. The attention you give each other is tremendously increased compared to if you were hanging out, say, in a movie theater or in the park. Also, because the time you spend with each other is so minimal, you learn to hold dear every second of that time. You won’t take each other for granted.
Although there are technical issues that make web-camming a searing pain in our hearts; those annoying but funny glitches and freezes actually help you to make nostalgic memories. Because there are fewer distractions, you and your love will actually manage to talk about much more meaningful subjects rather than talking about what to order, and who wore what, and who slept with whom. Some subjects like long term goals and some very simple but important questions like, “How was your day?” get overlooked in a local relationship, whereas a long distance relationship manages to get those basic questions asked and taken care of. You become closer and understand your lover in a shorter time period with your deeper conversations. I am sure that with every positive point within this article, there is always a counterexample- a situation where things didn’t always work out so nicely.
Let’s first get the obvious out of the way; the elephant in the room: distance. Clearly, the word has made much of an impact in your relationship. The fact that you can’t be physically near each other is what makes this so much harder than any other kind of relationship. You have to prove to one another that you do truly love each other without proximity to aid you in your shows of affection. You have to make sure that the other person doesn’t feel the sting of loneliness at any point in the relationship. The moment loneliness is on your mind, it will slowly start creeping into your life more and more. Skype just doesn’t feel right because you can’t feel, or share any “skin-ship” with each other. There are many unsatisfied needs, be it emotional or physical.
The next difficulty: jealousy. You can’t deny it. We all know that, no matter how secure you are in you relationship, there is always that one girl that gets on your nerves and sets your “sixth sense alarm” off. It is inevitable, and the only thing you can do is be jealous and have little fights over it. Trust becomes a serious and immediate issue that both of you need to be on the same page about. When going out to parties where alcohol is involved and unexpected things might happen, trust becomes the number one problem.
Likewise, you live in two different worlds and have to constantly update each other on the small things, like your friends and locations, and descriptions of your surroundings. You might also miss some bonding time with the friends next to you because you have a Skype date with your boyfriend. While they might be going out to parties or just getting In-N-Out, you feel more obligated to your boyfriend. Similarly, time conflicts are an issue because both of you are so busy that school and other activities just don’t permit the leisure time for you to spend on each other. You can’t share all the small things that happened throughout the day and all the small interactions you experience.Â
So what exactly is the result here? There are pros and cons to anything, you just have to realize what the pros and cons are in your relationship and attack them one at a time. Some survival tips? Keep an open mind! Be willing to try out and change a few things here and there. Don’t change who you are as a person, just make some improvements to make yourself even more awesome. Try to be understanding and get back to the “Kindergarten 101s”: Be Polite. Often times, we all need to be re-taught the basic manners that we learn as children, and more importantly, we all need to know when to call it quits. You can’t always compromise and/or change things about yourself and still end up unhappy. If you know that you are having too many serious issues and arguments, take some time and reflect on the relationship as a whole and think about what you as an individual want as well. One last thing: remember that relationships in general are serious commitments, a long distance will be ten times more of an intensive commitment. If you are unsure and not ready for something like that, don’t do it. If you do think you’re ready, don’t stop yourself because of misplaced fears. Sometimes a challenge can teach you more about yourself than you would imagine. Â
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