I’m not a religious person, but ever since I learned about the many-worlds theory, it’s been both an obsession and a source of great comfort and pain. Slate explains that this theory states how there are alternate universes that contain the same entities but distinct versions of that given entity. However, these alternate dimensions cannot interact with each other.
For me, this theory holds so much comfort because of the inability to go wrong with what decision you choose. There’s a universe where I chose to go to a different high school which led to a different college and an entirely different life than the one I live today. There’s a version of me who wasn’t scared to let herself feel and put her walls down.
Whenever I make a major decision, I always go back to this theory. I imagine myself in these alternate lives and fear that I’m making the wrong decision. However, I come back to the realization that there must be a universe for every path I could’ve taken, so my current path is the one I was meant to take.
Most of the time, I feel confident in my decision, but when something goes wrong in my path, the pain of this theory sets in. I go back to all the alternate lives I could have had and envy the version of me who made a different decision.
In these moments, it’s hard to pull myself out of my thoughts and remember the two things that keep me grounded. First, if these parallel universes really do exist, that means I was the version of me meant to take my current path. My envy of another version of me isn’t possible because, in this world and lifetime, I was meant to choose this path. Secondly, the grass is always greener on the other side. In the life that I envy, maybe that version of me is looking back and wishing she were me. Unfortunately, I’d never know what that alternate world truly is like, and my brain is giving me the best possible outcome.
To cope with the grief of losing all these parallel lives, I actually imagine my alternate self as happy as she can be. I tell myself that in her universe, everything worked out for her the way you both wanted and she’s living her best life. You have to respect that and live the best you can in your world.
As much pain as that causes me, at least there is a version of myself out there that’s living the reality I desire so badly. For me, it’s better that it exists rather than letting all these what-ifs live solely in my head.
We’re always getting closer and closer to proving this theory through quantum mechanics. Even if it’s just a theory for now, it provides me comfort. After all the pain and envy, at the end of the day, I’m happy that she’s out there living our best life.
Despite this being contradictory to a basic premise of this theory, I’d love to meet this other version of myself one day and ask about everything I’m wondering about now. But, until that day, I hope you’re doing okay. I hope you’re happy. Go live your best life for us, and I’ll do the same.