My College Relationship (With Myself)

I was just a little freshman ready for love. Coming into college, the only romantic or sexual encounter I wanted with a boy was in the form of a romantic relationship. Up until my senior year of high school, I was primarily focused on my academics and building my friendships. I never thought I was missing out on much, not having a boyfriend or anything. However, coming into college, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to meet someone and fall in love. My parents had met their first year of college and a little part of me always wanted to follow in their footsteps. They always told me college was the most ideal place to meet the love of your life. Needless to say, I was extremely unsuccessful.

I’m not trying to tell you that finding a successful relationship is impossible. I have met countless people in very happy and healthy relationships. This being said, I have also met and talked to countless singles who are frustrated with the dating scene in college. The prominent hookup culture present in so many college campuses all over the country is the biggest obstacle for so many to overcome.

What is hookup culture? To me, hookup culture is the normalized casual sex with relationships without labels. If there were to be any labels, it would be “talking” and “flings” or “things.” Hookup culture is a one night stand and not remembering their name the next day. It’s doing everything people in relationships do but never making it official. To me, it’s fear of commitment.

The concept of hookup culture was extremely difficult for me to grasp when I arrived at college. I wanted to be in a stable and healthy relationship. That’s all I wanted. It was like my mind refused to see any other option. After many failed attempts, I realized that maybe I was not meant to be in a relationship at this point of my life. I didn’t really get the appeal of hookup culture either, though.

 

Going into quarantine, I took some time to reflect on what I was truly looking for in a relationship and why I wanted one so bad. Through a lot of self reflection, I realized my want for a relationship stemmed from a lack of self esteem and the ability to be alone. Quarantine, however, was the most ideal time for me to build on those two things. I quickly started bullet journaling and doing online yoga and workout classes. By the time I had to move back to college, I felt like a completely new person. I felt like I gained a new form of respect for myself, and I had a new level of confidence. Despite the pandemic, this was exactly what I needed for myself.

That begged the question: Do I still want to be in a relationship? As a current second year at college, my answer is no. I think back sometimes to the beginning of my freshman year and wonder how I could no longer want something I once wanted so badly. The answer is perspective. I realized that hookup culture in college was something I chose refrain from by my own volition. (No judgment to you if you do choose to!) I also realized that as a freshman, being in a relationship was almost a ​need.​ Now, it’s more of a ​want.​ Sometimes, I feel like I assimilated into hookup culture and adapted to my environment my freshman year. Most of the time, though, I just believe that I gained some confidence and truly began to see the bigger picture!

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• romance