I’ve started a new life here in Davis. I feel different. I feel like something new has washed over me. I realize now how stuck and trapped I was in my blanket of security that was my hometown.
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I never wanted to leave; I thought that I would be happy staying where I was forever. The comfort surrounded me. The one thing I started noticing at first was that I couldn’t feel emotion for the longest time. What I’ve realized as I’m lying here on a Sunday morning while my newly found friend is sleeping in my roommate’s bed across from me, is that this is my happy now. I feel calm.
Before, I couldn’t write for months. Every time I would try, it just felt pointless and forced. I remember feeling empty and that nothing that I said or did would have an impact on anyone or anything.
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Now that the words flow out of me effortlessly, I know that my town and the people in it were toxic to my wellbeing. They weren’t bad people, but they held me back from everything new. They made me believe that change was an act of betrayal.
But today, I feel new. I love my life. I’m ready for it to start and continue, although I’m still adjusting to everything Davis has to offer. After all, it is hard being in a new setting with new people. It’s unbelievable how much a person can change in one month. I literally and figuratively transitioned from a child to an adult this past month, and it’s been an eye-opening experience. The only word to explain the feeling is bliss. I feel like I’ve entered the real world. So far, I do love it.
Don’t get me wrong, everything comes with flaws. I look around, and I’m surrounded by people that love to learn. We all came to this place to soak up knowledge, and to learn more about ourselves and the world. That’s special in itself, and on days I feel lonely, I remember that and it brings me back to Earth.