Recently, I’ve had a tough time with life changing at such a quick pace. There was so much that was new this quarter for me: new beginnings, new organizations, new friends, and a new state of mind. There have been so many moments of vulnerability and so much that I’m learning about myself, but it’s caused me to be a little too critical on myself sometimes. So I decided to write something to give love my way, by the person who means the most.
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Dear me,
I’m so sorry. I start it off that way because I know how hard I’ve been on you — and I want it to come across as genuine as possible. As much as I give you a hard time, I just want the best for you, and it’s hard for me to not to push you so hard when I know what you’re capable of. I will say though, there are so many things that you still have to learn, and so much help that others can give you on your journey.
For starters, you will never please everyone. This has been one of the biggest struggles you’ve never been able to fully overcome. There’s no need to dim parts of yourself when it’s convenient. You placed so much energy into other people, trying to make them view you as warm, or trying to make them feel warm. You’ve spent so much time worrying about how everyone else viewed you — you never really cared how you actually felt. It was so much easier to let comments slide off and ignore the times people were not nice, but I know it took a toll on you. You can’t forget who you are and why you’re here because once you let them control you, you’ve lost yourself.
Going into the general theme of people in your life, you don’t have the greatest judge of character, and that’s okay. If someone seems too good to be true — they usually are. You are entitled to being wrong about people; it’s okay if people disappoint you. The expectations you set are unrealistically too high. People likely won’t meet them, and that’s the reality of life.
The people in your life should support you, they should satisfy what you need out of a companion, and they should put in the equal effort for that relationship. The amount of effort you put into relationships with other people is admirable, but so incredibly draining when it’s not returned. You can’t keep putting yourself in positions to be disappointed.
On another note, there are so many amazing people in your life that you need to appreciate! It seems like every year you meet some of the best people in existence, and that is such a privilege. Being in an environment that allows you to meet these people should leave you feeling so blessed. Make sure to look up every once in a while and notice all the beauty in your life with all of these amazing personalities. You are so blessed to have friends that support you on your journey of self-growth.
I’m so sorry for pushing you too hard. You need to know when the push isn’t beneficial, and when it’s only harming your mental health. Be gentle with yourself; you can only take so much. When it comes down to it, you need to love and appreciate everything that has come into your life this quarter. After all, there have been some times that have made me feel so alive, while others have made me question my values. All of these things have helped you grow and learn to deal with different situations and personalities. I’m so proud of you. And I’m sorry if I don’t say it enough.