“Ugh, she’s butthurt again,” or “Are you still mad about what happened earlier?” are some of the many phrases I have been told growing up. For as long as I can remember, it didn’t take much for me to be offended by something. I took many things personally, even when I shouldn’t have. This did not bode well when I met the wrong crowd of people who constantly invalidated my feelings. When they said something that hurt me and I expressed how I was feeling openly, I was met with harsh criticism saying I should not be offended by such trivial things.
This created a detrimental relationship between my emotions and how I processed them during puberty, one of the most vital stages in one’s life. During such a tumultuous time when you’re finding who you are as a person, negative influences have an even stronger impact on your development. After being shut down when I thought I was reacting to things normally, I internalized the idea that I was a “drama queen,” and therefore, never talked about my emotions with people in fear of being labeled as sensitive. This backfired because I bottled up everything that was bothering me and resorted to silent treatment until I exploded.
It took a wake-up call from my true friends that reminded me I need to communicate instead of hoping others can magically read my mind. If something hurts me, I should talk to that person. If they don’t take it well, then I at least know I tried my best to resolve things in a civil manner. I realized I should never keep these hostile feelings to myself because that will only result in developing grudges that could have been prevented.
American individualism encourages everyone to be independent, self-sufficient, and strong. I believe it’s this mentality that discourages being open and vulnerable and thus associates sensitivity to being a weak person. I have now come to learn this trait of mine that I have been trying to get rid of may not be such a bad thing, and here’s why.
Sensitive people are extremely empathetic, meaning they are able to put themselves in the shoes of others. When we have conversations with you, we truly care. This also means that we cry at pretty much every sad puppy video on the Internet. Another great quality about sensitive people is that we are hyper-aware. Of course, there are times where I wish I wasn’t so observant of my surroundings because I notice things I wish I didn’t, but overall, it makes you more reliable. We’re able to sense how those around us are feeling and act accordingly.
Coming to terms with being sensitive is definitely a learning process. There are times where I may overthink a situation when there’s nothing to analyze. It takes trust in your friends and open communication to best cope with your feelings. I always take some time to process the emotions I’m feeling before talking to the person I’m experiencing an issue with to make sure I am able to express my feelings accurately. My end goal during a conversation is never to argue, but instead to share what I’m thinking and better understand the other person’s actions. By doing so, we clear up any miscommunication and figure out a solution on how this issue can be prevented next time.