At the very outset of my college journey, I was more than ready to embrace each and every chance that came along. I signed up for many clubs, affirmed my attendance at numerous events, and tried my best to wow everyone with how much I was doing. I thought I was making the very most out of my college experience. But before long, I felt totally overwhelmed, stressed out, and, weirdly, tired and emotionally drained from all that I was doing.
An important lesson I learned was this: sometimes, the best thing you can do is say “no.” By saying “no,” I learned to set boundaries that fulfilled my experience in college.
Prioritizing What Matters
In college, it’s easy to be overwhelmed by many pressures, both socially and academically. Initially, I didn’t realize that saying yes to everything was taking a toll on my mental health. Since I had so many commitments to handle all at once, I lost track of how many times I’d pulled an all-nighter to finish an assignment; countless hours of missed sleep were tripling my stress.
Saying “no” was a significant step in my focus journey. I had to turn down some invitations and obligations to give myself space to recharge. This was no easy task. I still felt bound by the old idea that not going along with something is irresponsible. But I also held on to a new idea, one that I had learned from a podcast: saying no can be a way to take control of your life and make room for the things that truly matter to you.
College presents a ton of opportunities, and this brief period in your life can feel like a tornado of “musts” and “haves.” If you’re not careful, you can end up consumed by things that are merely urgent and not at all important. I used two questions to guide myself away from such scenarios and toward my personal and academic goals: “Is this a good use of my time?” and, “If I say yes to this, what is it costing me in other areas of my life?”
This change enabled me to put all my attention on my studies, career ambitions, and personal development. I devoted myself to the projects that mattered most to me and that spoke to my passions.
Strengthening Relationships
Initially, I was concerned that when I declined an invitation from somebody, it would come off as unfriendly. But then I had a revelation: If I wanted to create the conditions needed for my important relationships to flourish, I had to start setting boundaries. By saying “no” to some activities, I created time to be present and engage more deeply with friends, mentors, and family.
Refusing also aided me in becoming a clearer communicator. I now understand that it’s perfectly acceptable to decline an invitation or request, as long as you do it respectfully and without embarrassment. My relationships have become less cluttered and more meaningful since the people around me now understand and respect my boundaries.
Improving Productivity and Focus
Improving my productivity came, in part, from learning to say “no.” In college, I was a little bit like a pinball machine. I was pulled in multiple directions and constantly bouncing around. I was doing stuff, but what was I actually doing? I had no vantage point from which to see any of the tasks I was supposed to be doing as anything other than shiny objects calling for my attention. Saying “no” has a power that isn’t fully appreciated until you feel its gravitational pull.
I was able to dive deeper into my studies and work on projects that aligned with my goals when there were fewer distractions. I found that I was more productive and felt less overwhelmed by the need to do everything at once.
The Freedom of Saying ‘No’
As I reflect on my time at college, I understand that an important component of my success was saying “no.” It was not something I was accustomed to doing, but it turned out to be a powerful tool that helped me protect my mental health, keep my focus on the right things, and engage in relationships that mattered.
College isn’t about doing it all—it’s about doing what’s right for you. I learned to say “no,” thus reclaiming my time and energy. In turn, my college experience became more balanced, focused, and fulfilling.